Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Come on Father

Come on Father
I am so happy that you
Brought me
Another sunny day
During Spring
Father please don't
Bring any rain during
Spring
I don't need it
Because I find the rain
To be very depressing
AIso, when it rains
It always rains during
The night
When I am sleeping
And the lightning and thunder
Always wakes me up
I have also a hard time
Telling you
That is hard for me to go back
To sleep
AIso, the rain is
Coming down
Very hard from the sky

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem WRITTEN BY aLDO kRAAS

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem adopts a direct address to "Father," which could be interpreted as a literal parent or as a personification of a deity or nature. The tone is conversational and childlike, which is established through simple diction and straightforward statements. This approach creates an earnest, almost pleading mood that is consistent throughout the poem.

Structurally, the poem is composed of short, enjambed lines. This fragmentation can evoke a sense of immediacy or emotional urgency, but in this case, it sometimes disrupts the flow without clear rhythmic or visual justification. The repetition of phrases like "AIso" (possibly a typographical error for "Also") and the reiteration of the speaker's discomfort with rain reinforce the central emotional concern but could be made more effective with varied language or imagery.

The poem's imagery is minimal, focusing mainly on the contrast between sunny days and rainy nights. The emotional response to rain—finding it "very depressing" and disruptive to sleep—is stated plainly rather than shown through metaphor or sensory detail. This directness can be effective, but the poem might benefit from more vivid or specific descriptions to deepen the reader's engagement.

The poem's strengths lie in its clarity of feeling and its consistent voice. However, the emotional impact could be heightened by exploring more nuanced reactions to weather, employing figurative language, or experimenting with line breaks to enhance rhythm and emphasis. Additionally, clarifying the intended relationship with "Father" could provide more depth and resonance to the poem's central plea.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact