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Feb 19, 2026
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In the bathroom
In the bathroom mirror
Everytime I wash my hands
I carefully practice
Forming my most obese face
If you drill a little hole in my chest
You"ll see I can no longer hold back
My lips
they twitch
and with difficulty arm
An ironic and idiotic smile
My teeth are rotting on their roots
At the second little hole I drill to myself
I hastily step into my bathtub and slip
On the remainings of cat's vomit I didn't remove
And I don't even have hot water to rinse myself away
Will you want to step out for a moment then?
With the third little hole,
it's too late
The doors are locking
The window latches are shut tight
A shiver will interrupt your last thought.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This was an attempt to write horror poetry.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem constructs a claustrophobic and unsettling atmosphere through the setting of a bathroom and the repeated motif of “drilling holes.” The use of the mirror as a site of self-scrutiny and performance (“forming my most obese face”) establishes a tone of self-alienation and discomfort. The physicality of the imagery—rotting teeth, twitching lips, slipping on cat vomit—grounds the poem in a grotesque realism that intensifies the sense of bodily decay and psychological distress.
The progression of “holes” drilled in the chest functions as a metaphor for emotional or psychological vulnerability, possibly self-inflicted. The escalation from practicing facial expressions to the more violent and irreversible acts implied by the holes suggests a spiraling loss of control. The poem’s structure, with abrupt line breaks and short, staccato phrases (“My lips / they twitch / and with difficulty arm / An ironic and idiotic smile”), mirrors the speaker’s fractured mental state.
The shift in address—“Will you want to step out for a moment then?”—momentarily implicates the reader or an imagined interlocutor, heightening the sense of isolation and entrapment. The closing lines (“The doors are locking / The window latches are shut tight / A shiver will interrupt your last thought”) reinforce the poem’s mood of finality and inescapability.
Some areas for further consideration include the clarity of metaphor and the balance between literal and figurative language. The “holes” motif is evocative but risks becoming opaque without further development or context. Additionally, the poem’s grotesque details (cat vomit, rotting teeth) are effective in establishing mood but could be integrated more cohesively to support the central metaphor. The emotional trajectory is clear, but the poem might benefit from greater specificity or variation in tone to avoid monotony in its bleakness.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its vivid, unsettling imagery and its ability to evoke a sense of psychological confinement. Further refinement of metaphor and attention to the relationship between physical and emotional detail could deepen the impact.
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