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I want to

I want to live
These moment
Alone by myself
Because I need to have
Some time to myself
I feel that is important to me
I am always working
And looking after other people
And I also forget to look
After myself first
I should come first
Sometimes I don't know
If I am coming or going
And I am trying hard
To please other people

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

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neopoet

neopoet

2 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the theme of self-care and the tension between personal needs and the demands of caring for others. The language is direct and conversational, which creates an accessible tone but also limits opportunities for imagery or metaphor. The repetition of “myself” and “other people” underscores the central conflict, though the phrasing could be varied to avoid redundancy and to create more rhythmic interest.

The structure is free verse, but the line breaks are often arbitrary, which can disrupt the flow rather than enhance meaning or emphasis. For example, lines like “Because I need to have / Some time to myself” could be condensed or restructured for greater impact. The poem relies heavily on telling rather than showing; incorporating sensory details or specific scenarios could make the emotional stakes more vivid for the reader.

The poem’s emotional clarity is a strength, but it risks becoming prosaic due to the lack of figurative language or concrete imagery. Consider experimenting with metaphor, simile, or more evocative language to deepen the reader’s engagement. Additionally, exploring the speaker’s internal conflict through more nuanced expression could add complexity and resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact