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The Question
That night in your old car,
the bench seat ideal
for our closeness,
the summer warm,
humid enough to beat
the air conditioner
into a whine
of futility and sweat
I asked you
what you wanted to do
in life.
I didn't understand
your hesitation,
that painful look of
desperation,
the thick defeat
that came between us
when I asked.
You looked at me
as if everything was over,
as if your being
was about to slowly smother
in helpless twist
of hopeless spiral
choking off the future,
and when I pressed you
for an answer
your hesitation
filled me with foreboding
at what you were
about to say.
You said
"I want to be a Nurse's Aide,"
so quietly,
and I saw bleak resignation
in your lovely face,
so I held on tight and said:
"Then let's find out
when you can start,
Okay?"
And your tears told me
you knew then that
I would not say no,
that I would never
build a barrier
between my love for you
and your future
the way the one
before me did.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
magics02
14 years 1 month ago
Wow
I got to come back Race as I am already in gentle mood and this one sends me to the porch.. I shall return..
scribbler
14 years 1 month ago
hi
The good old days of cars with bench seats! Bucket seats are the bane of passion in modern cars. Only line I'd change is in hopeless spiral or whirlpool.................stan
Race_9togo
14 years 1 month ago
Yeah
It's a damn shame they don't make bench seats any more, I'm looking for an old bucket that has some, becasue we miss them!
Hopeless spiral...there you go, better than what I have, thanks Stan.
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
Is this a true story?
If so you are nearly as good a man as I am [grins]
Not so fine poetry, it lacks prosody.
Race_9togo
14 years 1 month ago
Yes it's a real event,
one that will stay with me forever.
I made some changes, perhaps they help.
weirdelf
14 years 1 month ago
yes
better
Race_9togo
14 years 1 month ago
Good.
Thanks Jess.
Candlewitch
14 years 1 month ago
Dear Jim,
This piece is so tender as to bring tears to my eyes. You are a good man and human being. A radiantly warm soul. My favorite lines are the ones that bring it all together:
And your tears told me
you knew then that
I would not say no,
that I would never
build a barrier
between my love for you
and your future
the way the one
before me did.
You have touched me deeply with this write. I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
Race_9togo
14 years 1 month ago
Thanks Cat
For your kinds words, and enjoyment.