Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
the waiting
should fate unwind
too soon you’ll fail
to see the stars,
the moon unveil
aligned in orbit
i hear her cry
the hand of space
of space and time
should you bite
in tandem skies
I follow close
with clever eyes
today, tomorrow
now and then
may death give way
our prospects land
you’d lend a hand
and I’d accept
no one beginning
may grant us end
lost and found
in evening sorrow
i fight for life
her sword I borrow
please take my hand
the war is won
i’m on your side
i always was
About This Poem
Last Few Words: going through a breakup :,)
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
1 month 3 weeks ago
Oh, how I wish...
that you had continued your rhyming. Your rhyme and near rhyme are excellent! What happened? ~ Geezer.
.
Lavender
1 month 3 weeks ago
the waiting
So good to see your poetry again! Although, I'm sorry for the experience you are going through regarding the nature of this piece. I feel the heartache throughout. Wonderful writing - I hope to read more soon, and I'm so very glad you've returned.
Best regards,
L
leoferaco
1 month 2 weeks ago
thank you lavender, i always…
thank you lavender,
i always appreciate your comments, ive missed the community here- im glad to be back too !
leo