Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 05, 2026
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
SELF
The pain!
What do you do when they all get to you?
Not some stored in a cookie jar,
Waiting to erupt at your search for peace,
To suddenly descend intermittently on the dining table,
Mixing in the chunks of meats and vegetables you have prepared to usher you into Passover.
How do you live in that chaos?
The rage!
How do you see yourself away from its claws?
Create a market for hate and call it disdain,
Where you sell your wares of disgust on fragile minds seeking freedom,
A shortened flush of escapism lasting only for a lifetime,
How do you sing when there are no lyrics to sob over?
The love!
How do you tell yourself this vibe is all anew,
Seeing yourself smile, break, feel another poison called 'life'
Then you inhale, then you breathe, Feeling its magic overwhelm your streets.
This is what makes you believe that:
Charity begins at home- inside the beauty of the self.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores intense emotional states—pain, rage, and love—with vivid imagery and a contemplative tone. The progression from pain through rage to love suggests a journey through inner turmoil toward self-acceptance or understanding.
The opening stanza’s metaphor of pain as something stored “in a cookie jar” that unexpectedly “descend[s] intermittently on the dining table” is striking, though the image could be clarified. The juxtaposition of pain interrupting a Passover meal evokes both personal and cultural disruption, which adds depth but might benefit from tighter integration with the poem’s broader themes.
In the second stanza, the idea of creating “a market for hate” where disdain is sold “on fragile minds seeking freedom” is a compelling metaphor for how negative emotions can be commodified or internalized. The phrase “a shortened flush of escapism lasting only for a lifetime” is somewhat paradoxical and may confuse readers; consider revising for clarity or impact.
The final stanza shifts tone, introducing love as a “vibe” that is “all anew,” yet it acknowledges the persistence of “another poison called ‘life’.” This ambivalence is effective in conveying complexity, but the line “Feeling its magic overwhelm your streets” is somewhat abstract—specifying what “streets” symbolize here could strengthen the image. The concluding assertion that “Charity begins at home—inside the beauty of the self” serves as a thematic anchor, though the phrase “beauty of the self” might be more powerful with more concrete or sensory language.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its emotional honesty and metaphorical ambition. To enhance coherence and resonance, consider refining some metaphors for clarity, tightening the language to avoid ambiguity, and deepening the sensory details that ground the abstract emotions.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month 2 weeks ago
I am not...
sure, if I get the drift of this one. I'm thinking that you are speaking of the religious wars that people have been fighting for thousands of years. I do believe that if one would follow the so called: "Golden Rule", that no one would have a "beef" anyone else. We would all be working toward making this the best planet that we possibly could. What are we going to leave our children? Anyway, I think that this is your message. ~ Geez