Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 23, 2026
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Stillness
Where do I begin
I mean time has provided me with a coping mechanism not to antagonize the worlds belief of a better view version of the story
On how it started and how it will end
The flaws on the path became a flow of obstacle charmer, escaping the chamber of darkness constantly chasing the light
It went from a mission of hope and forgotten about faith
Leaving me torn daily, the hope of breaking through became a hobby of hopping the truth
Self assurance started to feel like an assessment of living
Breathing continueslly became a choice
The sudden shift of shiver waving down my spine, hugging my questionnaire of the purpose of living
In the mist of cold a warm tear drop drip down my nose rushing for attendance
Creating an audience of whipping
The emptiness swept me off my dear feet
I couldn't compete with the choking hazard fisting down my throat
I couldn't make a sound within my very own world
I tasted death by emotions that made my heart to race like a mustang, pledging a high value bounty up for grabs like the boundaries I should have had before
While the days went by, my surroundings only saw the stillness
During my internal captivity, traveling inside looking for relief to spur me out.
Till one saver brushed my walls of faith that I never thought I had.
Carefully painting them with cream in inviting light in creating a home of safety
With my last break ...I murmured
Save me please...
Ashleigh Ngoqo
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores profound themes of internal struggle, despair, and the search for hope, capturing a vivid emotional journey. The imagery of darkness, light, and captivity effectively conveys the tension between despair and the desire for salvation. However, the poem would benefit from closer attention to clarity and cohesion. Some lines feel dense or convoluted, which can obscure meaning and interrupt the flow—for example, phrases like "a flow of obstacle charmer" and "hopping the truth" are intriguing but ambiguous, leaving the reader uncertain about their intended significance.
The poem’s syntax occasionally challenges readability, with punctuation and line breaks that could be adjusted to enhance rhythm and comprehension. For instance, the transition between ideas sometimes feels abrupt, and more deliberate pacing could help the emotional weight land more powerfully. Additionally, some word choices appear slightly off or misspelled ("continueslly," "whipping" possibly intended as "whimpering," "pledging a high value bounty")—careful proofreading would strengthen the poem’s polish.
The closing stanza introduces a hopeful shift, but the phrasing "With my last break ...I murmured / Save me please..." could be made more impactful by tightening the language and clarifying the metaphor of the “saver” and “painting walls of faith.” Consider expanding on this moment to give the reader a stronger sense of transformation or resolution.
Overall, the poem’s raw emotion and thematic ambition are clear, but refining its language, structure, and imagery will help the reader engage more deeply with its message. Focusing on clarity while preserving the evocative mood will enhance the poem’s resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Jane A. Rug
2 weeks 5 days ago
thank you for a unique flair with words and open ended
punctuation, which found me adrift along the nile observing the relics of civilizations that came and went along the fertile crescent entombing me in images of grandeur.