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No matter death stalks so close...
among the cornucopia of living beings
(in my unprovable opinion
only because said stealer of qi
flourishes all around and within us
from our first to last breath),
and particularly self evident
when violent homicidal
and/or suicidal crime portrays
barely recognizable corpse
as horrible and gross,
or even if natural old age id est
courtesy senescence understood
as the logical precursor
we human beings as rational creatures,
nevertheless experience shock
and emotional trauma,
when natural chronological order
precedes from birth, maturity, and old age
when family or friend
the one who exits stage door left
predictably entail cessation,
when loved one gives up the ghost
yet tis natural to mourn
where Swiss-American psychiatrist
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
introduced the famous
five stages of grief—
denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, and acceptance—
in her seminal 1969 book,
On Death and Dying
our singular solo journey for body electric
bereft of the soul
to segue way into unknowable
and rumored to be a hellish final frontier,
not only embraced as ordinary order
from seminal instant to descent into grave
or cremains scattered
across a favorite place of special meaning,
but also cited in some cultures as occasion
for celebration and remembrance
of dearly departed,
(and well nigh expected)
for kith and kin human reactions
incorporating tears of sorrow,
and divergent moments
when the fêted individual brought laughter
obviously emotions flip-flopping
regarding recently deceased
to beget lachrymose reaction.
One cannot differentiate nor readily identify
how many countless hashtags
employed as antithetical antonym of life
doth guise and dolls itself
proffering Elysian Fields
for dearly departed to repose
until the end of time
impossible mission for the likes
of this specimen of
whether self identity of
outside that once conveniently adopted
black and white female or male categorization
now social scientists and lay people alike
becoming more aware sexual categories
constitute gamut wherein the term "genderfluid"
among plethora of what came
to be coined "Alphabet people"
a colloquial, sometimes derisive term
used to refer to the LGBTQIA+ community,
highlighting the growing number
of letters used to describe
various sexual orientations
and gender identities
emerged in the 1990s
within trans and queer communities,
with one of the earliest recorded mentions
appearing in Kate Bornstein's 1994 book
Gender Outlaw: On Men,
Women and the Rest of Us
and gained further traction
in the mid-1990s
through activists like Riki Wilchins
and appeared in online,
private communities during that time.
Many objections and hackles raised
(as a liberal sexagenarian
heterosexual married Democrat, I try to avoid
being biased, close-minded, prejudiced, et cetera)
where multitudinous offshoots
of gender differentiation now offer a slot
which Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI)
must be given free reign to thrive
aims to foster diverse workplaces and communities
by ensuring equitable opportunities
and an inclusive culture
though we simians all fall under
the more general name bipedal hominids
species and genus Homo sapiens
(but according to G3 is Key of All Poetry -
he corrected me as commented
We are technically homo sapien, sapiens).
Despite vast chasms of different mindsets
to maintain tolerance would be incumbent
upon the "Better angels" refers to,
often invoked as
the "better angels of our nature"
to urge people to rise above
conflict, hatred, or selfish impulses
and represents our best selves—
kindness, unity, and moral conscience—
rather than our worst tendencies or "demons"
not only fosters divisiveness, hatred,
but the bandit stealing souls to the netherlands
malevolent beastie boy
feasting on the fancy delicacy of ordinary folks
ought to remind each of us
how tempus fugit
within which so much execrable bickering
maketh the name of the game
triggers killing fields
that the Grinch of sacrificed
once prime humans real estate
fuels a constant state
guardedness of defense
that General Electric
the company my daddy worked
unable to keep abreast for munitions
to tame the unquenchable thirst for blood
that the nasty and brutally short tempered
hair-trigger ready denizen
adrip with the devil may care
about dirty deeds done dirt cheap
oblivious to the high red alert regarding
when and where the grim reaper
(may be poised to strike),
the most common synonym
for the personification of death
or simply the Reaper,
typically depicted as a cloaked skeleton
wielding a scythe to harvest souls,
but other common synonyms
include the Angel of Death,
Pale Death, the Destroyer, and Azrael,
yet since the dawn of civilization
a plethora of anthropomorphized figures
embedded themselves
within the paradigms of cultures.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: i would comment on poems other aspiring authors wrote, but the missus wanted to use the laptop this early hour of the morning.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem ambitiously tackles the vast and complex themes of death, grief, identity, and societal change, weaving together philosophical reflections, cultural references, and personal observations. The poem’s sprawling, prose-like form mirrors the overwhelming and multifaceted nature of these subjects, but this approach also presents challenges in clarity and cohesion.
Strengths to consider: - The poem’s encyclopedic scope and intertextual references (e.g., Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of grief, LGBTQIA+ history, “better angels of our nature”) enrich its thematic depth and demonstrate intellectual engagement. - The use of parenthetical asides and lists conveys the speaker’s stream of consciousness and the chaotic, often contradictory emotions surrounding death and identity. - The imagery of death as a “stealer of qi,” the “Grim Reaper,” and “bandit stealing souls” effectively evokes the menace and inevitability of mortality.
Areas for development: 1. **Structural coherence:** The poem reads as a dense, continuous block of text with minimal punctuation or stanza breaks. Introducing clearer divisions—stanzas or sections—would help readers navigate the shifts in topic and tone, and provide breathing space for reflection. 2. **Lineation and rhythm:** The poem’s lines vary widely in length and often resemble prose sentences. Experimenting with more deliberate line breaks and rhythmic patterns could enhance musicality and emphasize key phrases or images. 3. **Focus and conciseness:** The poem covers many topics—from death and grief to gender identity and corporate history—which sometimes compete for attention. Narrowing the thematic focus or more clearly linking these elements through metaphor or narrative might strengthen the poem’s emotional impact. 4. **Tone and voice consistency:** The voice shifts between formal exposition, personal commentary, and colloquial asides (e.g., “dirty deeds done dirt cheap,” “bandit stealing souls”). While this can be effective, balancing these modes to maintain a consistent tone or purposeful contrast would improve readability. 5. **Punctuation and grammar:** The poem’s minimal punctuation can obscure meaning and make parsing difficult. Strategic use of commas, periods, and other marks would clarify syntax and enhance flow without sacrificing the poem’s conversational quality.
Overall, the poem’s ambition and intellectual curiosity are clear, but refining its form and focus would allow its insights and emotions to resonate more powerfully with readers.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month ago
While I'm sure...
that your comments would prove to be of some interest to a number of people, we have never actually entertained the notion that you might be enticed to do some commenting. However, if you are of the mind to do so... we would greatly appreciate your input. You are somewhat of an enigma, which makes you a celebrity. So, fire away. ~ Geez.
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