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(She) "Impotence" by: eddy styx

She...
She wraps her words around me
like a warm tortilla.
I want to eat her eyes
so I can see
(me)
the way she does.
Her volcanic verbs shoot
P...U...L...S...I...N...G
hot liquid through my veins
and
SHE causes me to lose all
CoNtRoL
over my bladder
and
I turn my red(face) to the shadows.
and
quickly s~l~i~n~k away.
If (i) were woman
and
SHE were man
This would NOT be unacceptable
male (frailty) weakness
but
demure beguiling femininity

I want to lie cradled in her semi-precious metaphors!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: a poem submitted by my male alter ego, eddy styx... a repost

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 day 23 hours ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem explores vulnerability, gender roles, and desire through inventive imagery and a playful approach to language. The opening lines use the metaphor of a tortilla to convey comfort and intimacy, which is both unexpected and effective in establishing a tactile, sensory connection. The desire to "eat her eyes" is a striking, visceral image, suggesting a longing to internalize another's perspective, though it may risk alienating some readers due to its intensity.

The poem's structure is fragmented, with erratic capitalization and spacing (e.g., "P...U...L...S...I...N...G," "CoNtRoL," "s~l~i~n~k"), which visually enacts the speaker's loss of composure and emotional turbulence. This technique reinforces the theme of losing control, though it may also disrupt the reading experience if overused.

The poem explicitly addresses gendered expectations around emotional expression, contrasting male "frailty" with "demure beguiling femininity." This self-aware commentary invites readers to question societal norms, though the argument could be strengthened by more nuanced development or by showing, rather than telling, these dynamics in action.

The closing line, "I want to lie cradled in her semi-precious metaphors," returns to the motif of language as both comfort and desire. The phrase "semi-precious" is evocative, suggesting value and rarity, though it may benefit from further specificity to clarify what makes the metaphors "semi-precious" rather than simply "precious."

Overall, the poem's strengths lie in its inventive imagery and willingness to interrogate vulnerability and gender. Attention to consistency in tone and further development of the central metaphors could enhance its impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Sen99

Sen99

1 day 14 hours ago

The return of Eddie

Hello Cat

Your poem has an interesting word play, talking to yourself,  is this like the anima inside an animus ? The female inside male alter ego. Enjoyable read.

Thanks 

Sen99

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

1 day 7 hours ago

hello Sen99,

You have the right of it ;) I was the (tom)-boy my father always wanted. Thank you for your for seeing this as a living, breathing example. although, eddy styx is a  mad man who writes dark poetry, he has never hurt any soul physically. Instead, he puts his rage on the page to defuse it through poetry.

fondly, Cat & eddy styx