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Day of Reckoning

The sky is a mass of crimson stain,
a crown for the man who won’t bow.
Heavy reckoning of the lead and rain,
the psalm that the vultures sing now.

The gale howls through the sun-bleached eaves,
as dust claims the spurs of the weary.
The truth is a secret that nobody leaves,
in a town grown cold and so leery.

The dust and the sky are a burning flood,
the silence is heavy and deep.
The earth is a-thirst for the first of the blood,
while justice and mercy both sleep.

The cold iron sleeps in a weathered grip,
then bites with a sudden-sharp scream.
The hammer is struck with the crack of a whip,
his foe falls dead in a leaden dream.

No mercy is found in the eye of the storm,
where ghosts of the gallows-tree beckon and sway.
In fire and night, where the shadows take form,
he hunts for the dawn of a deadlier day.

— RJ Bear, Apr 22, 2026

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This one was intended as a prologue to the Gunslinger series of poems including The Saloon of Eternal Dusk but not sure to go with it or not. Let me know what you think, if it's fitting or should I go with a back story .

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney Australia, AUS

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem constructs a vivid, cinematic atmosphere reminiscent of a Western showdown, using strong imagery and a consistent tone. The opening lines establish an ominous mood with “crimson stain” and “arduous crown,” suggesting both violence and reluctant authority. The phrase “lead and rain” is an effective double entendre, evoking both bullets and weather, and the “psalm that the vultures sing” introduces a sense of fatalism.

Stanza two continues the desolate imagery, with “sun-bleached eaves” and “dust claims the spurs,” reinforcing the setting and the weariness of the protagonist. The line “Truth is hidden in a shallow grave” is both literal and metaphorical, deepening the poem’s sense of moral ambiguity.

The third stanza’s sensory details—“baking dust,” “burning sky,” “dry sweat,” and “dry earth drinks the first of the blood”—are evocative, though the repetition of “dry” in consecutive lines could be reconsidered for variety. The stanza builds tension effectively, leading to the anticipated violence.

The fourth stanza uses kinetic language—“cold iron sleeps,” “bites the air,” “swift as a whip”—to convey the suddenness of action. The phrase “adversary’s downfall in a leaden dream” is striking, though the metaphor could be clarified; “leaden dream” is evocative but somewhat abstract.

The final stanza returns to broader themes, with “no mercy” and “ghosts of the gallows,” reinforcing the poem’s fatalistic worldview. The closing lines—“he hunts for the dawn of a deadlier day”—suggest a cyclical, unending violence, which fits the poem’s tone but leaves the narrative unresolved.

The poem’s strengths lie in its cohesive imagery and controlled tone. The meter and rhyme scheme are generally consistent, though some lines are more fluid than others. At times, the density of metaphor and imagery risks obscuring clarity; balancing vivid description with narrative progression could strengthen the poem’s impact. Attention to word repetition and occasional abstraction would further refine the work. Overall, the poem effectively evokes its chosen setting and emotional landscape.

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Geezer

Geezer

1 month 2 weeks ago

Meter...

Sky is amast of crimson stain,   - a mass, not mast. Add [The] to the line, to make up a syllable and closer match to the corresponding line.
               
an arduous crown for the man who [won't] bow. - meter

Heavy reckoning of the lead and rain,

the only psalm that the vultures sing now. - get rid of the [is]

I like most everything about this one, but your meter can use some adjusting; most lines can survive a difference of a single syllable, plus or minus, but two is too much; remember, read it aloud! ~ Geez.
 

Ray Bear

Ray Bear

1 month 2 weeks ago

All done.

Hi I have edited as per your suggestions.  Reads a lot better now thank you.  Regards Ray 

Geezer

Geezer

1 month 2 weeks ago

You aren't done yet...


What about the rest of it? You have a mismatched line, 
that doesn't rhyme, and still, some meter issues.

I just gave you a couple of examples of meter; there are a few more.
Look at the line: "as the dust claims the spurs of the weary,
and then the corresponding line: "in a town grown cold and leery".

You can match these lines closer if you take a couple of words from the first line,  
and do it like this: "as dust claims the spurs of the weary".

Now, find the other couple. 
And yes, as a prologue this is great! ~ Geez.

Ray Bear

Ray Bear

1 month 2 weeks ago

My apologies

I should have clarified done with the first stanza. The rest will take some time. This was written years ago as an idea. Submitting it on here was more about seeing what others think about it and going with progression or abandonment. Whether it is worth the effort as such. Regards Ray 

Ray Bear

Ray Bear

1 month 2 weeks ago

Hi Geezer

Meter was tightened balanced anapestic and iambic mix to create a galloping meter fitting for the subject matter. Rhyming was attended to. Some lines were replaced . And clarity for the leaden dream e.g the bullet has put the adversary or foe down for an eternal sleep. You got my ocd going couldn't let it rest until it was completed.  Lol regards Ray 

Geezer

Geezer

1 month 2 weeks ago

Sorry...

didn't mean to cause you a sleepless night! I didn't mean to be pushy. I just wanted to see this fixed because I think that it is worth it. ~ Geez

 

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