Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jun 21, 2011
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
The Hold of the Fantasy Brain
Her style did meet my banter
so, we toyed with each other's eyes;
I wondered how my world would change
if she were to try me on for size!
It's true, that I don't own a car
so,I couldn't pick her up,
it's also true I wanted more
than her company during, "sup".
Her beauty was more intelligent
than first had met my eye,
I wondered what she thought of me
then, thought I shouldn't pry.
Her body was exquisite
I had noticed with my personal gaze,
if I told her, would she hold it against me?
To coin a punchline, and a phrase.
My heart blisters from her imagery
as my fantasy brain takes a-hold,
maybe she'll return this way, again
before I grow too old!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
wesley snow
14 years ago
Not bad here Doc
I have read a "few" of your other posts (time is a problem, but I would like to work through them all), so this is about in the middle. You've done better and worse, but let me tell you what I thought when I read it. Normally, I don't much care for "sexy" poems. I lean toward fairy tale romance stuff or other subjects. This though I make exception for. Its light weight humor made up admirably for my apprehension that you would start in on something I'd have to turn my back on (yeah, I'm a prude...or just shy. I don't want anyone on a poetry website to see me blush). And I MUST make a comment on the rhyme. No one around here seems to think the rhyme to be acceptable much less desirable. I'm afraid I have a hard time calling it a poem without it. So, more simply put, I just plain liked the poem. Enough to copy it to file and save it in my "Poetry by Other Gods" folder. Take care. wesley
docmaverick
14 years ago
Oh, Mister Snow....
...youre not so cold
I must seriously agree,
rappers even love rhymes
and in these times,
that's clerly enough for me!!!
L.o.l. I thank you, I thank you, I thank you.....Wesly! You are a diamond to my eye. This is my problem; for some reason in my brain,
I have a clear peopensity for rhythm, rhyme, and meter. I was a drummer for nearly 40 years! Bottom line? It's in my blood. It sincerely tickles me t no end, mind you...that you concur. You! My dearest collegue!
Enjoy all of your days, my friend!
You just made mine!!!
sincerely,
docaverick.
p.s.) Please excuse all of my typos, etc...it's this blasted netbook! Iv simply GOT to get my tower, up. And as far as my overuse of puntuation? It's merely the way I talk. Those...commas, and elpses are just me...pausing.
wesley snow
14 years ago
Nothing so satisfying as....
Don't worry about over punctuation. The kids here about don't use enough, so you're making up. I'm having business overload, so I have not been around as I would like. When I can make the time (and I will) I will be heading into your past posts and seeing if I can say something insulting about them. Be warned though, if they utilize rhyme and meter, I will be tasked to do so. Please check out my epic poem and take this time to get caught up for me, for I have more to post and want YOUR opinions, broad or detailed, as it is traditional poetry and there seems to be a dearth of traditional poets here. Thanks and I'm glad I made your day (however long ago that actually was).
wesley
docmaverick
14 years ago
Why, thanx.....Lonnie....
...that's a good place to be, sometimes....."safe"! It's a lot more work, sometimes...but, its still a good place to be.
Sincerely
docmaveick.