Elation

I witnessed the grace of innocence
The symmetry of your infant mortality,
And utopia became a probability.

Pristine eyes oblivious to the Universe
Bearer of hope, faith restored
By the vision of your vulnerability.

Occasion to retain untainted reality,
Prevent the stain ,
Live happily.

Heart engorged by love
And the urge to press you to my breast
To protect enshrouds me.

Adoration of a inconsolable naivety
Elation created by the fact
Of your birth.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

weirdelf

14 years ago

Wonderful!

I hope you felt as good writing it as I did reading it.

Just a few technical nitpicks-

The symmetry of your enfant mortality, [infant]

Occasion to retain untainted reality, [funny, I just critted Geremia on the use of the word reality, it jars in a poem as much as the word beautiful, there is always a better way to say it]

Adoration of a inconsolable naivety [an]

Now I better get to work on mine!

Hooded Stranger

14 years ago

Bottom half only!

Lou,

I am reading this from my work computer, but when I use the work computer the top third of the screen is a black toolbar/menu...so I can only read the last two stanza's at the moment.

What I have read is good stuff, but happy!...get back to your dark and depressing stuff soon!LOL!

Will crit the whole poem when I get in as the last two stanza's aren't enough for me to appreciate the whole piece.

However, glad you were up for Jess's challenge, and he seems impressed!...now that is a miracle!! Be sure to heavily crit his attempt...I know I will! LOL!

regards,