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Jul 04, 2011
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WARS [ one of a series in surreal metaphor] updated
WARS
The war was done
I thought
But it hardly had begun
I lay dying in lavender fields
And fell into a sleep
Of another dreaming
Deep as any death could be
I thought
Until a daylight came
And I felt my breath
Once again
But I had dreamed
Dreams of bloodied streams
Poisoned wells in desert sands
Words meant to kill
Like weapons flying through the air
Failed crucifixions and false resurrections
The silence of dead souls
The death of Time...
Then I died into a sleep again
Deep as any death could be
I thought
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
weirdelf
14 years ago
Bloody great to see you again mate!
Beautifully crafted poem, touches on deep imagery without transgressing into maudlin or melodrama.
My only complaint, and it is a personal peeve, you and others may not agree, is the use of the word "reality".
Of another reality
It jars to me in a poem almost as much as the word "beautiful", I can't help thinking there is a better way of saying it.
I love the dying fall of the ending.
Geremia
14 years ago
yes. r eality bothered me as
yes. r eality bothered me as well. see the chsnge. thanks, buddy.
joe
weirdelf
14 years ago
Yes!
The poem is a fine accomplishment.
No more to say.
Geremia
14 years ago
You bet ! :)
You bet ! :)