Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Jul 07, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Wasteland (eddy styx) EDITED

Wasteland

torrid streams of tears

changing

into vaporous steam

falling on the desert

of his heart

her begging and pleading

disregarded

as even now

with no oasis in sight

she is discarded

and breaking

on the never ending

sand dunes

of his indifferent

consideration

hers is a slow

death by starvation

in the icy-hot

shadow-less lands

of the loveless

arid desert of his soul

About This Poem

Last Few Words: For the "Book of Styx II"

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

lou

lou

14 years ago

Cat

I like the way you have used extremely short lines, and managed to retain your own style. Packed with atmosphere.

Love Lou

R

raj

14 years ago

Dearest Cat...

hope your wrist is getting fine...once again you have come up with this fine composition using the elements of a desert to express emotions...the only one missed out is an oasis..though it may be out of sync in the context of the essence of this write....i was hoping you would fit it somewhere even if as a means of contrast...just a thought...the entire poem reads s well even without it...

much love..

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years ago

Thanks raj,

I added the oasis just for you! I think it reads better now.

always, Cat

K

Kailashana2

14 years ago

wasteland

wasteland

torrid steams
of tears
falling on the desert
of his heart

her begging and pleading
disregarded
now,
with no oasis insight
he discards her

to break
over never-ending
sand dunes
of his indifferent
consideration

hers is a slow
death by love's starvation
on a shadow-less land

she is turning into ice.....

Use whatever you will or not, Cat.

~A

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years ago

Dear Ian,

Thanks for the catch! I had been over it several times and hadn't caught it.

always, Cat

Bonitaj

Bonitaj

14 years ago

Wow CAT!

I can remember writing something with a similar theme, and you're right! When you're in this territory - there is no oasis in sight!!!
Good one!
Boni

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years ago

Dear Boni,

I'd love to see what you have written! Is it posted on neo? Thanks for reading and commenting.

always, Cat

Esker

Esker

13 years 9 months ago

Rainshadow

Rainshadow hearts
consume the tart tears
sweetened with ache
the agony of the drought
wrung out

Another great write Cat!
desert hides thickened
and tanned by the relentless
aridity
the feirce and brutal gaze
stiffens emotions
stiflies hearts
to one day melt
in the rare rains
the rare snows
settling
darkening all
that is divisible
and not entirely
invisible

..

M

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

Thoughts

RUNES

she is discarded

and breaking

on the never ending

sand dunes

of his indifferent

consideration

Wow girl spot on here.

Love To you
Witch Magic:)