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Jul 14, 2011
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Devouring Shadows (a rewrite)
Devouring Shadows
Lights flick off,
Suddenly
Drowning the room
In complete,
Compelling darkness,
Devouring every shadow.
No window present
To mar the blackness
With soft shadow.
It begins...
the pounding heart
eyes wide with fear
they huddle in the gloom
some flat on their bellies
to avoid bullets going astray
Somewhere
Shrill siren screaming
Breaks the night
Into tiny
Fragmented pieces
Thin walls,
Echoing with gunshot,
Sounding out in the night,
As another gang member
Breathes his last
On the bitter, damp street.
yet there are those
with emotions so saturated
with this daily menu of mayhem
they feel only numbness
and relief at being alive.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This poem is for another book of poetry which I am writing: Mirror Mirror... by: Caitlin Mattison
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lou
14 years ago
Cat
Loved the title, language was used sparely but effectively. The lines were a little short, obviously that was intended, it caused the rhythm etc, to be a little sharp. I enjoyed the theme, as if you hadn't guessed already, I love a dark theme lol !!
Good job
Love Lou
Candlewitch
14 years ago
Thanks Lou!
I always enjoy reading what you liked about my poems.
always, Cat)
loved
14 years ago
My Honour
My Honour
It’s a signal honour,
ma'am
Whenever you visit my leaf,
It helps me turn,
A new leaf,
In my life!
Candlewitch
14 years ago
HI!
Thank you Loved!
always, Cat)
Candlewitch
14 years ago
Dear Lonnie,
Thank you for your gracious comment. Due to Ian's comment, which gave me food for thought, there will be a little more. I hope you like it when I'm finished.
always, Cat)
Candlewitch
14 years ago
Dear Ian,
Thank you for your critique. It has caused me to examine this piece more closely for what I was trying to convey. I will do a rewrite and invite your examination.
always, Cat)