lou

Nov 23, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Repellent

Crude, rude and outspoken.
You could say she's a ball breaker.
She takes no prisoners
Repelling all with arrogance and bluff.

Inside turmoil and anxiety
Swinging between certainty ,
And uncertainty.
Raging against society.

Classic means of defence,
is to be on the offensive .
Repelling all with arrogance and bluff.

Vulnerable, frightened creature,
Inside a hard shell..
Raging against society

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Changed it again

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

mand

14 years 7 months ago

Hi ya Lou

The diversity of human nature. This type of personality - soft in the middle, insecure, but not wanting to show it, ending up lonely. Sad because inside he is a good man.

The flow was brilliant! and I like the way you repeated the last line.

Thanks for sharing Lou

LOve Mand xxxxxxx

lou

14 years 7 months ago

Mand

Thanks , i decided to revise it and make it about a relationship, following on from my poem Virgin.

lou

14 years 7 months ago

hey

I decided to remove the line take the mickey.

thanks shirl

lou xx

Hooded Stranger

14 years 7 months ago

Lou

Lou,

you recall I was going to send you a dictionary for Xmas, well I may send it early...I am sure there should be two 'L's' in 'Repellent' - LOL!

As for grammar...well there's a few weird spaces between words and commas and full stops here and there that shouldn't be there.

Now you know me enough to know I am not being nasty, just poking some fun at you.

Right, now where was I?...oh yes the poem.

I think Mand has captured the story here perfectly with:

"soft in the middle, insecure, but not wanting to show it, ending up lonely. Sad because inside he is a good man."

I am not sure that I like the repeating line 5 times although it did reign in the awkward verses and give them a more rounded finish. I would suggest having two different last lines and then alternating throughout.

A quick example:

Repelling all with arogance and sham - not perfect I know, but you get the picture.

I liked the piece and with a quick edit, it could change from great to excellent.

Four stars for you.

Dictionary in the post...love from Santa!

lou

14 years 7 months ago

Hs

God Santa's critical lmao

Thanks mate, I'll take a look at what you have suggested, and correct my spelling, punctuation was never my strong point.

Lou

Hooded Stranger

14 years 7 months ago

Lou

Lou,

good job; tightened up, screwed down hard (in a non-sexual way...I know how your mind works! LOL) and perfectly balanced. A much easier read without losing any of the powerful imagery.

You did good!

lou

14 years 7 months ago

HS

Dirty mind,Moir ??

thank you

lou

loved

14 years 7 months ago

really

ENCHANTING
LOVELY NATURE CAN beeeeeeeeeee

lou

14 years 7 months ago

Oh ....... I hate this poem

I hate this poem, it's kicking my arse, can't seem to find the solution.

Lmao

Race_9togo

14 years 7 months ago

Hi Lou

I feel that the two of them bluff their way through the emotional wars surrounding their lives with walls of hardness and a screw-you attitude, while they reserve their true tenderness and love, their doubts and vulnerability, only for each other, revealing it secretly within the private confines of their relationship.
Does that make any sense?
I like what you have, so far. I was surprised to see the refrain becoming the last line, lol - THAT was quick!

lou

14 years 7 months ago

Solution ?

I think I found the solution for this poem.