POISONED WELLS: re-writes

I adore the imagery in this. Dark. I particluarly loved the first two lines of the last stanza.
Great job!

~*~jessi

p.s. you may wish to change eshoes to echoes. ;)

The pretentious language,
the implicit antil Judaeo/Christian/islam it seems to encompass, I applaude.

the last two lines make it a fine poem.

There's a Joe, emerging, who has listened to his critics. I also have the same sense as you do Jess and the two last lines make it. It happens often enough to most of us.

I'm trying:

And so it came to pass
a pestilence rode on a desert wind

{remove on...it's not necessary]

and desert wells poisoned
and all who drank of their waters
would never thirst again

[awkward? perhaps:
poisoned desert wells
those who drink their waters
would surely never thirst again]

holy men in black pale
murmured canticles to candles burning
for an end to God’s fury
seers and madmen chanted litanies
of sacred curses
for an end to Hell’s delight.
echoes reverberating hollow voices

{canticles murmured to burning candles:
an end to God's fury
seers and madmen chanted litanies
of curses sacred
to end their hellish delight}

there are deeds done by God or men
(there are echoes of echoes of hollow voices)
once done cannot be undone again
wells are often poisoned
[the wells are poisoned]c
and we need go on
to find another one