Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

crypticbard
crypticbard
Nov 23, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Looking out the kitchen window

`

my finger traces
a still barely
visible band
on my 4th finger

our ex-anniversary
is now my memory

a constant companion
to might have beens

yesterday had so much
prospect and promise
today I face a sink
full of dirty dishes

`

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows.

More from this author

Comments

Victorclaude

Victorclaude

14 years 7 months ago

"yesterday had so much

"yesterday had so much
prospect and promise
today I face a sink
full of dirty dishes"

I don't know if the adage "fish or cut bait" exists where you live, but it came to mind when I read this last stanza, and how true this last stanza is.

Wow. . .

Victor

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 7 months ago

thanks VC

I am sure I could catch the drift of that adage, but only vaguely recall hearing it used. That must be the essence this poem was attempting to capture. Thanks for sharing your feedback. Joining you in looking up at the stars. Freds

Geezer

Geezer

14 years 7 months ago

No typos...

no faults that I see. I just had to say, that this was really good writing. ~ Gee

loved

loved

14 years 7 months ago

u wash many a dish

i do so fish

and as you are a dish washer

you have better practice
of lovely long fingers

so i love your poetry
i wrote a double fired
ommellette one
for thee

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 7 months ago

thank you

that is a humbling tribute. Now I shall go over and read that poem. :-) Thanks again.

loved

loved

14 years 7 months ago

YOU HAVE YET TO

Read some poetry of mine

the rainbow in me

perhaps you could see

if it merits

any comments

from thee
ur fingers are lovely
as a philli
perhaps u be/rrrrrrrrrrrr

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 7 months ago

no probs Anna

A poem that spurs its reader into some positive action is a poem worth it's weight in gold. Cheers, Freds.

S

scribbler

14 years 7 months ago

window

a sink full of dirty dishes compared to a failed marriage.....wonderful originality................scribbler

Edevold

Edevold

14 years 7 months ago

last stanza

the poem really gets going at the end. I guess you could consider rewriting - with the last stanza beginning the poem and then going deeper and adding more from there... Just my thought... a good honest write as it is.... makes one think,,, the poem does it's job and makes the reader empathize and reflect .....

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 7 months ago

Very interesting!

Thanks Edevold. I will see how I can act on this suggestion. It is not the first time one of my poes could have it's stanzas and/or lines moved around. Funny how they get 'constructed' that way. But I digress.... thanks for your comments and suggestions. Keep tuned and watch out for developments. There should be some soon. Cheers, Freds

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 7 months ago

CB

CB,

started off sad and bitter, and then you turned it around with the reality of the sink of dirty dishes!...awesome!

HS

themoonman

themoonman

14 years 7 months ago

Crypticbard ...

You have captured a forlorn moment of reflection
and delivered it to the audience ... made it a very
real poem for me. At first I thought the title too long,
but it adds much to the long moment .... I've read this
piece at least three times, and have enjoyed the power
of it each time.

thanks for sharing

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 7 months ago

thanks themoonman

I am quite relieved that having altered the title from simply 'Kitchen Sink' has not totally detracted from the essence of the poem. My initial worry was that of its own 'kitchen sink' seemed to steer the reading mind away from the direction that the poem was headed. It is in fact a long moment... and encapsulated in such a few number of verses. Note as well that the persona was not identified as either male or female. I am humbled by your continued return to this particular poem. A poem's longevity and durability is something I regard with some value. Cheers, Freds.

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 6 months ago

Exactly, Licia!

That's the natural flow in the timeline of the poem. After freezing a moment in time, we move on to the next bit of the story. Taking off the ring and moving on is the main element of the subsequent poem. A sequel if you will or a new chapter. Thanks for reading and responding. You are most heartfully appreciated. Cheers, CB

loved

loved

14 years 6 months ago

A third perhaps fourth,inspired this poem whic u may now read.

My Ring Finger

The fingers I see,
Long, pointed and soft,
As a lotus flowers,
Distant memory fades
It graces the face
The fingers once did trace,
As it leaves a churning
Whirl in me

I look beyond my window
Many passers by I see
Who perhaps have yet to do?
Many a chores that await me

The fourth finger
A remembrance of the love
Then so pure
Now in eyes a tear
A quivering sore

The ears continuously ring
As I wash the dishes
Through autumn to spring
The memories of anniversaries
My finger continues to string.
`

Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

14 years 5 months ago

Ah, Kaila

I always do the dishes. I no longer wear a wedding band because we both misplaced ours and could not replace them for lack of dispensable income. The mountain does pile up time and again, but the dishes always get done. :-)) Cheers, CB