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Aug 18, 2011
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Memoirs
like a flower;
in the icy winters,
awaiting it’s fall,
like a moon;
hanging overhead,
awaiting the inevitable dawn,
like a ball;
hanging by a thread,
waiting to bounce,
I fall.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
magics02
13 years 11 months ago
Love it
Missed reading you and this is simple and straight up just like I like to write also. Hope all has been fine for you and nice to read this pleasure this morning. Good day
Mona
dhruv
13 years 11 months ago
hey, mona!
your name reminds me of the song!
thanks a lot for reading, i am glad you like it! sometimes simple poetry seems to tell the story far better than a complicated piece.
raj
13 years 11 months ago
Nice one Dhruv...you may want
Nice one Dhruv...you may want to change "morning" to "dawn"...
dhruv
13 years 11 months ago
terrific suggestion, my
terrific suggestion, my friend. i think dawn makes much more sense in this context. thanks a million!
dhruv
13 years 11 months ago
the analogy very neatly
the analogy very neatly explains how i feel sometimes. this may be simple and short but it's roots are much deeper.
thanks for reading, and the comments!