faerybeki

Aug 26, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Sunset

Eight-thirty pm,
the whole sky to himself,
a bird flies home.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

brittle light

14 years 1 month ago

this works so well, so

this works so well, so definitive....so concise, an immediate and wonderful visual stimulation

faerybeki

14 years 1 month ago

Thank you guys :)) was

Thank you guys :)) was considering swapping the title and the first line around? would love to hear your thoughts... might just do it... can always swap them back :) love to you both xxx

Roscoe Lane

14 years 1 month ago

I love,

I love the idea of swapping the title and first line, but either way it's perfect. Love Roscoe..

faerybeki

14 years ago

Thanks Roscoe :) going to

Thanks Roscoe :) going to leave the swap in place, feel Sunset is the better title, love to you xxx

weirdelf

14 years 1 month ago

ooo, I so love haikus

and this one works a several levels, the literal and the metaphoric. I could wite an essay about it but I'm too lazy [grins]

weirdelf

14 years ago

Spell "eight thirty Pm

numbers in poetry are anathema.

faerybeki

14 years ago

Jess, thanks for the new word, 'anathema' had to go and look it up :) and I quite like doing that. Glad you liked the haiku, it's a form I really love, did wonder about writing the full number, maybe it's me who is lazy lol, will edit now :) thanks again, much love xxx

raj

14 years 1 month ago

both homecoming and evening

both homecoming and evening captured so intrinsically well in this haiku with lovely strokes of your poetic pen..

faerybeki

14 years ago

Thank you raj :) glad you

Thank you raj :) glad you enjoyed it, much love xxx

faerybeki

14 years ago

Eph, thanks for commenting,

Eph, thanks for commenting, happy to know you enjoyed another of my little poems :) lucky me to have witnessed this bird and been right with him, if only for a moment, much love Beki xxx

Geezer

14 years ago

Another...

well done! I get the image of a lone crow, ousted by his mob, or maybe an eagle after a long day of fishing. ~ Gee

faerybeki

14 years ago

Thank you Gee :) that's why I

Thank you Gee :) that's why I like haiku, it is possible to hint at many stories with just a few words, happy this one was successful, much love Beki xxx

weirdelf

14 years ago

Re-reading this

I find the time numbers incompatible with a birds flight,
perhaps
"at sunset"?
No. I'm wrong. You have successfully combined nature and human time. Quite an accomplishment.
Again I say, I love much said in few words, to me that is what poetry can be at its best.

faerybeki

14 years ago

Thank you Jess, I really

Thank you Jess, I really appreciate your comment, I'm happy this little haiku, this moment in my day was recieved so well, much love xxx

Ladderwords

14 years ago

A visual cookie to whet the

A visual cookie to whet the palette. I'll have to stay my hand before reaching into your bag of goodies again. Thanks for the treat!