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Where are you?...
I've looked for the part that's missing
and damned if I can see
where it might have gotten off to
Where it might be wandering free
It's like, that it just needed space
Some time to be alone
A little time for reflection
The waters marred by stones
I cannot find the peace
that once I took for granted
My outlook seems to shift
from level, to something canted
I've been searching all around,
no signs do I find
of the part that has gone missing
Has it been left behind?
I know that it was right here
where I saw it last
But now it's gone from my sight
leaving only shadows cast
Today's the day I'll find it
I have to... I must believe
I keep searching, tracking, hoping
My heart begins to grieve
Damn! This is annoying
That empty space, it sure does glare
I wish I knew what to look for
It's just got to be somewhere
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 10 months ago
Dear Gee,
an anxious piece. Hopefully questing. This one line bothers me:
It's like, that it just needed space
I think it could be changed to:
It's like it's needed space
that's just a suggestion.
I do like these lines best:
Today's the day I'll find it
I have to... I must believe
I keep searching, tracking, hoping
My heart begins to grieve
always, Cat
raj
13 years 10 months ago
Hi Gee...
you have made a great concoction of "commotion".."anguish"...."confusion".."unrest" ..and topped it off with "hope" all the way which keeps all of them at bay..that's the way i perceived it.. a very nice message you have communicated through this write because "hope" gets us through all the tough times...