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Apologies to Blake, Wesley's challenge

I decided to accept Wesley's challenge to convert this verse of Blake to Iambic, but won't try for pentameter, that would demand a total re-write.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

 

To see a World in Sand's small Grain
a Heaven in a flower's bloom,
To Hold infinity in your hand's palm
Eternity each hour.



To see/ a World/ in Sand's/ small Grain
a Heav/en in/ a flow/er's bloom,
To Hold/ infin/ity/ in your/ hand's palm
Etern/ity/ each hour.

 

Any suggestions?

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Comments

K

Kailashana2

13 years 9 months ago

To see a World in a Grain of

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

A grain of sand is a small world
heaven is not a wildflower
infinity not just an hour
now shaped and formed by human hands

~A

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

nice write in its own right, Anna

though it bears little resemblance to Blakes meaning. Ego my dear?

A grain/ of sand/ is a small/ world
heaven/ is not/ a wildflower
infin/ity/ not just/ an hour
now shaped/ and formed/ by hum/an hands

those last two lines are good iambic though.

S

scribbler

13 years 9 months ago

Hmm....

Does :
The world's within a grain of sand
and heaven's in each flower's bloom
infinity grasped in one hand
eternity each hour's doom

......Work?

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

good attempt Stan,

and closer to the original's intent.

The world's/ within/ a grain/ of sand
and heav/en's in/ each flow/er's bloom
infin/ity/ grasped/ in one hand
etern/ity/ each hour's/ doom

 

The first two lines perfect. You've inspired me to improve mine, realising that, if being generous infinity and eternity can both be parsed as double iambs. Pity about the use of doom though, it belies the intent to me.