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A Ghost of a Chance
I thought I knew just who I was
until you entered through the door,
we began talking casually
until you told me what you longed for.
You said you yearned for someone
who'd fullfil your wildest dreams,
and as you got even more specific
you began unravelling at the seams!
I did my best to comfort you
as you sat beside me, on the floor;
then, I explained to everyone...
..I was the one you were looking for!
I alone, could banish each lonely night
and end your futile, dating quest!
I then said how I'd treat you, right...
..so you could forget about having to see the "rest"!
But, now I have to set you, free
somehow, our love must've up, and died!
So, for you to find your way to get over me,
I wish you "closure"...and, I shouldn't have lied!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Barbara Writes
13 years 9 months ago
Doc
Hey this is great poetry
I like the smooth story line from beginning to end
The only crit i have is must've, it stumble just a little bit
Other than this tiny nitpick, i loved it
docmaverick
13 years 9 months ago
Your comment meant....
...soo very much, to me. Really! Thank-you, very much.
Sincerely,
docmaverick.
wesley snow
13 years 9 months ago
This is slick.
Since I'm engrossed in Jess' workshop on meter, I will make my comment in that direction. At first I didn't care for how the meter changed from first line to second, but as the poem progressed I noted that this "deviation" was consistent throughout and allowed the poem to run in a gentle, even way without being necessarily "strictly" constructed.
The subject of course was sad with a subtle humorous undertone. Soooo...I liked it.
wesley