Ebony Dreams

I am giddy in your presence
the scent of you fills me
with exhilaration
we become one with the night
our souls launch into the cosmos
soaring wild and free
spirits you and I
this tryst becomes a trial
of endurance with the arrival
Of the dreaded dawn
when I awaken to find
you are no more
and our love has gone
banished to the far off
lands of cherished dreams
never forgotten but
always a finger tips' distance
away from my yearning grasp

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

lou

13 years 9 months ago

Cat

you make us look bad, this is almost perfect in my view.

much love Lou

Candlewitch

13 years 9 months ago

Dearest Lou,

You could never look bad to me. Thanks for your support!

love, Cat

raj

13 years 9 months ago

Dearest Cat

the title is superb and fits the theme like a glove..the poem flows smoothly till "soaring wild and free"...thereafter i feel the line "spirits you and i" sort of thwarts the flow..without that line the poem meanders beautifully once again...

Candlewitch

13 years 9 months ago

Thanks raj,

I'll take a look at that line. thanks for the comment :)

always, Cat

Kailashana2

13 years 9 months ago

Sorry to poop on your parade,

Sorry to poop on your parade, but what here hasn't been said a thousand times before in almost exactly the same way?

Come on Cat, only you can set free your muse!

Candlewitch

13 years 9 months ago

Sorry

Somebody dropped a house on you, but it wasn't me, so Piss off....

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

Golden Cat

spirits you and I
this tryst becomes a trial
of endurance with the arrival
Of the dreaded dawn
when I awaken to find
you are no more
and our love has gone
banished to the far off
lands of cherished dreams

Like this one much

Love to you and smiles from the miles I hope you catch them:)