Increments of Solitude

as yesterdays hand
slips off my shoulder
tomorrows embrace
takes my lips

in this, today
I breathe a thousand sighs
and soar a
breathless wind

I've heaved the night
until the day broke
and stood in the middle
of all and nothing

and now I live
in the milliseconds
between this world
and the next

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is 1 of two poems that I took away and worked on extensively ...

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New South Wales, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Once upon a time I would have had a plethora of poets here ... there are way to many brilliant poets to name them all ... If pushed for favourites ... Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page ...

Comments

Lenny of Cohen

14 years ago

Dear Jayne,

Well, your work really paid off, because this poem leaves my amazed and breathless! I love it! Just one suggestion: Millisecond is one word.
I'm so glad to be reading your work once again!

as yesterdays hand
slips off my shoulder
tomorrows embrace
takes my lips

brilliant start and smashing ending!
always, Cat

judyanne

14 years ago

an awesome write jc

i absolutely love
'as yesterdays hand
slips off my shoulder
tomorrows embrace
takes my lips' .....

'i've heaved the night' .... however
'heaved' - just sounds 'wrong' to me (lol imho of course)
- harsh on the ear in a poem of such acceptance....
- i would like to suggest - dependent on what you are meaning of course

Writhed with/ expelled / breathed .....

love and big hugs
judd
xxxxxxxxx

weirdelf

14 years ago

you and cat said it- breathless

breathlessly and deceptively simple and profound. Would you believe I almost skipped it as a love poem? Crikey, one must not be so quick to judge. But so much is posted with so much to comment on and so little time!

It makes an argument for good titles, and while it works as a line, I think it's a terrible title. Although I can't seem to come up with a better one at the moment. Generally a title that adds to the poem, rather than being a line from it works best with short poems.

weirdelf

14 years ago