Understanding

Forsaken moments ravage sour memories
forced to form a never-ending yearning
that excruciating agony has carefully sewn
to keep me bound to his own tiny headstone

There's understanding Chronos does not heal
but forms a scar that, with time, simply fades
to every other's vision but my own
and sometimes I have fancy that he's been betrayed

The All Great Healer is Himself a hypocrite
It does not, I have found, truly get easier
but simply wrapped and bandaged 'til familiar -
therefore made to seem soothed, benevolent -
thus becomes bearable, less bitter

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

weirdelf

13 years 9 months ago

fuckin brilliant

well crafted but still raw with emotion, no poet can strive for more.

I guess you know the line-
and sometimes I have fancy that he's been betrayed
is a bit clunky.
its a big change, you might have to look for one like
and I think he may well have been betrayed

judyanne

13 years 9 months ago

thanks so much jess

i do see that line is chunky
- anything shorter i have tried doesn't say it...

i decided to leave the length... it does come out as triplets...
and it makes the reader (or at least it makes me :) ) pause at the end of that stanza
- hopefully alowing the digesting of the previous before the next point....
- lol - do let me know if you disgree xx
love judy

Candlewitch

13 years 8 months ago

Dear Judyanne,

Yes... as Jess says, it is a brilliant piece!

There's understanding Chronos does not heal
but forms a scar that, with time, simply fades
to every other's vision but my own
and sometimes I have fancy that he's been betrayed

always, Cat

judyanne

13 years 3 months ago

thanks so much cat

so glad you liked this
love judy
xxx

Roscoe Lane

13 years 8 months ago

Try,

Try taking (and) away at the beginning of lines 8 and 12, other than that i agree it brilliant. Regards Roscoe...

judyanne

13 years 3 months ago

thanks roscoe

i like your suggestion re line 12 - done that
but if i remove 'and' from line 8 i feel it upsets the rhythm -
thanks so much for the great comments and suggestion

love judy