Timbo

Oct 10, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Missed Them All Today

I missed my wife today
while she had to be away.
Realised how lonely I’d be
if she wasn’t here with me.

Without her love and smile
life wouldn’t be worthwhile
I missed my wife today.

I missed my children today
seeing them happily at play.
Sunny days and ice creams
bedtime stories before dreams.

They’ve grown and moved on
now my little ones are gone.
I missed my children today.

I missed my father today
working Monday to Friday.
Taking us out on Saturday.
preaching in church on Sunday.

Taken from us far too young
long before his life was done.
I missed my father today.

I missed my mother today
busily getting through the day.
Dinner cooking, smelling good
afternoon read when she could.

Never a moan, often a smile
looking after us, all the while.
I missed my mother today.

I missed them all today.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Favorite Poets: Rather than poets I tend to be influenced by songwriters and have a love of lyrics.

Comments

judyanne

13 years 12 months ago

nice write timbo

i feel it is more song lyrics?
if so then ok with the repetition
- if not, the many 'i missed' detracts from the rest of the write
- which in itself reflects the melanchoic mood or the narrator very well

- great rhyming

i can't really say much more
- as poet, i wouuld like to see different ways of saying the 'i missed'
- as a non-song writer i have no idea if it works really... but i think it dioes :)
love judy

Timbo

13 years 12 months ago

Thank you Judy, well I would

Thank you Judy, well I would love a number of my writes to be songs, but I can't sing or write music, so I'll just have to stick to them being poems. Never mind.
take care,
Tim

magics02

13 years 12 months ago

I miss too

I hear this poem and I can relate to it as well. Good job old friend and hope all is well by you.

Ms Mona

Timbo

13 years 12 months ago

Thank you Mona, I'm fine and

Thank you Mona, I'm fine and I hope you and yours are too. it's nice to hear from you again.
take care,
Tim

Rula

9 years 9 months ago

A touching piece Tim

I liked the repetition. It easily reflects the mood.
I would suggest reunite the stanzas about each person. I see no need really to have a space and play a little with the ending full stops. Please let me know if I need to explain this.

Timbo

9 years 9 months ago

thanks

Thanks for the feedback,
Tim