Timbo

Oct 10, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Missed Them All Today

I missed my wife today
while she had to be away.
Realised how lonely I’d be
if she wasn’t here with me.

Without her love and smile
life wouldn’t be worthwhile
I missed my wife today.

I missed my children today
seeing them happily at play.
Sunny days and ice creams
bedtime stories before dreams.

They’ve grown and moved on
now my little ones are gone.
I missed my children today.

I missed my father today
working Monday to Friday.
Taking us out on Saturday.
preaching in church on Sunday.

Taken from us far too young
long before his life was done.
I missed my father today.

I missed my mother today
busily getting through the day.
Dinner cooking, smelling good
afternoon read when she could.

Never a moan, often a smile
looking after us, all the while.
I missed my mother today.

I missed them all today.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Favorite Poets: Rather than poets I tend to be influenced by songwriters and have a love of lyrics.

Comments

judyanne

13 years 9 months ago

nice write timbo

i feel it is more song lyrics?
if so then ok with the repetition
- if not, the many 'i missed' detracts from the rest of the write
- which in itself reflects the melanchoic mood or the narrator very well

- great rhyming

i can't really say much more
- as poet, i wouuld like to see different ways of saying the 'i missed'
- as a non-song writer i have no idea if it works really... but i think it dioes :)
love judy

Timbo

13 years 9 months ago

Thank you Judy, well I would

Thank you Judy, well I would love a number of my writes to be songs, but I can't sing or write music, so I'll just have to stick to them being poems. Never mind.
take care,
Tim

magics02

13 years 9 months ago

I miss too

I hear this poem and I can relate to it as well. Good job old friend and hope all is well by you.

Ms Mona

Timbo

13 years 9 months ago

Thank you Mona, I'm fine and

Thank you Mona, I'm fine and I hope you and yours are too. it's nice to hear from you again.
take care,
Tim

Rula

9 years 6 months ago

A touching piece Tim

I liked the repetition. It easily reflects the mood.
I would suggest reunite the stanzas about each person. I see no need really to have a space and play a little with the ending full stops. Please let me know if I need to explain this.

Timbo

9 years 6 months ago

thanks

Thanks for the feedback,
Tim