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STORIES
I heard you say unpleasant things
About the old woman who lives alone
In the last hut on the way to the stream
You criticize what you know not
And wronged the aged and the weak
Be careful with what you say
Believe not all the stories you hear
You say she killed all her children
And ate the rest in her womb
Their innocent blood were spilled
The story of a witch goes around
She turns into altered birds of prey
Traverses the regular nightly flights
With flakes of fire in drapes and hues
Believe not all the stories you hear
Barren she may be, but her children
She ate not, others died of innate causes
Confuse not the scary sound of the owl
To mean a woman changing into a bird
Look at the reflecting eyes in the mirror
Night dreams break into hallucinating day
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
t. reflexion
13 years 9 months ago
done in a series
Yes, you are right, this piece should have follow ups. I will make some effort in this direction. I also wrote a piece with the title 'Witchery', dealing with witch craft in general.
Thank you for your time on this piece and for the comments. I will visit your poetry site and give my feedback. Best wishes.
tr
weirdelf
13 years 9 months ago
Your language and prosodic form are improving immeasurably.
More real poetry without losing potent social content.
I applaude.
t. reflexion
13 years 9 months ago
immeasurably.
It is your guidance and support that are immeasurable. Your encouraging words, honest comments and mentoring that keep me going. Thank you and best wishes.
tr