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Oct 17, 2011
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Next Exercise!!!! (heehee)
We may rue the hew of bitter sword
that is the anger we occasionally allow
to bruise our memory's weft and turn
with crimson stabs of quickened fury
Yet while the willing face of killing rage tears
at the ragged fraying arcs that are our souls
we stand atop the blackest summit of our ire
and scream mindless defiance at the world
About This Poem
Last Few Words: assonance and consonance, I don't know if I did it or not!
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Race_9togo
13 years 8 months ago
Hi Rosi
Thanks for the spelling.
I was in trepidation over this one, I didn't think it worked, then I did, then I didn't. I assumed that the assonance and consonance that Jess wanted would have to be in the middle or at least "within" the word instead of at the beginning or end. So, I hope I got it right!
Glad you found it enjoyable.
weirdelf
13 years 8 months ago
No Rosi, I said rhyme was optional
this one is about consonance and assonance within a line, not rhymes at the end of the line
http://new.neopoet.com/comment/51392#comment-51392
wesley snow
13 years 8 months ago
Er...
...uh. Hmmm. This clearly is going to be harder than I thought. By the way, it's meaningless as far as the exercise is concerned, but this is a pretty cool poem.
The assonance was obvious in the first line and then I had to open my mouth to figure out what I was hearing.
I think you did it. I think...um...yeah. Uh...killing/willing...is that internal rhyme or assonance or consonance?
I don't know Jess, I may want out. I had a clue the last workshop.
I'm going to go take some drugs and I'll be back with new insights. Maybe even insights on the subject at hand.
wesley
Race_9togo
13 years 8 months ago
Hi Wes,
Yeah, I had a hard time figuring this out myself!
The consonance in the second verse is killing/willing, although I think I cheated by having the words rhyme!
Glad that you liked it.
weirdelf
13 years 8 months ago
Don't you dare cop out on me Wesley!
killing/willing is indeed internal rhyme.
I've edited the exercise to give some examples.
http://new.neopoet.com/comment/51392#comment-51392
weirdelf
13 years 8 months ago
excuse me for interrupting,
but it's a workshop, honey, we aim to learn, poetry can be an accidental side-effect.
Race_9togo
13 years 8 months ago
Jayne-Chloe <whine> I SO upset!
If I <sob> want to spell it with <whine> a 'c' then <sob> I'll spell it <sob> with a 'c' <whine> it's MY <sob> POEM!<sob><sob>
LMAO
Changed it!