Geezer

Oct 20, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Rhyme- use, variations and forms.

(Read More...)

Accounts Payable...

Thinking of all the things doable
the best of them seemed renewable
Like the ones used to avoid catastrophe
the ones of which he had no mastery

For each, he would have given a penny
for each, of which there were many
But he had no salary, this man named Mallory
nor did his wife, name of Jenny

Now he was the object of scorn
in his coat and shoes so worn
In the eyes of the rich
he was down in the ditch
wishing he never was born

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hope I got everything you wanted in there, Jess. I tried to incorporate strong, weak, doubles and triples. ~ Gee

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

you got it!

beesknees!

There is also some assonance and consonance, but not used enough to achieve its full effect.

Geezer

13 years 8 months ago

Thanks Jess...

for the bee's knees. I hope they are stronger than mine! LOL Glad I got it right. Cheers yourself, ~ Gee

Geezer

13 years 8 months ago

Again, you...

are correct in your asessments. Thank you. I will make necessary adjustments. A little bit of help, from more than one person, makes a lot of help from my friends. ~ Gee xxx

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

Rosi, I appreciate your input,

but in these technical workshops we crit the forms of poetry, not the poem itself. We can write anything as silly as we like, but just crit the forms of the exercise.

Geezer

13 years 8 months ago

misunderstood what Rosi said. No big thing, I can't imagine that Rosi would be that crass, and i didn't see that in her comments. Just a misunderstanding. Thank you Rosi for correcting my puncuation and grammar. ~ Gee xxx

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

too right,

I didn't think you were saying the poem was silly, just wanted to emphasise the crit on rhyme, your comments were valid Rosi and I duly pull my head in.

weirdelf

13 years 8 months ago

ah, the real big problem with communication online

is that words are only aboout 30% of what's being said. With tone of voice, eye contact, body language and the ability to reply immediately communication is far more effective. My friends, and I have many, don't even think me a cranky bastard, just an honest, often mischievous, one.

It's perhaps the conciseness of many of my responses that make them seem to lack respect, but it's there, mostly. I suppose I could spend more words being diplomatic and likeable but I reckon most people see the mischievous glint behind my words, and those that don't, well I could try harder or they could. I'm not really here to be popular, just to improve my craft and help others with theirs.

Geezer

13 years 8 months ago

Well, I'm...

glad that is settled! Now, thanks to all that gave me honest criticism and helped me make it better. ~ Gee