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Nov 18, 2011
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Jealousy's Voice
Your hatred
Became the nicotine
To my
Cigarette
Addicted to negativity
Even if it
Belittles me
Your every word
Was an earthquake
To my confidence
No pill can mute
Jealousy’s voice
Only the sound
Of success’s laughter
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lou
13 years 8 months ago
Paul
i like the idea of jealousy being nicotine, therefore poisonous and cancerous, can't fault the poem.
Lou
wesley snow
13 years 8 months ago
I'm going to take a page...
...from Jeffrey Gibson's playbook (you won't get the reference, don't worry about it) and say that this poem is unfinished. The first line doesn't quite make sense. Perhaps "in" my cigarette or "for"? Not sure.
The rest is self explanatory except the last line.
Exactly what "success" did you mean?
This is the first poem of yours I have read and I usually don't like to be too critical until I get to know someone, but the confusion I felt when reading this moved me to risk insulting you.
There is too much of the "inside joke" syndrome here. That all makes sense if you already know the situation. Hence, my idea that it feels unfinished. I'd like to return after you maybe fleshed it out some... if I haven't pissed you off.
wesley
Apostolos "Pau…
13 years 8 months ago
thank you
for your words
Bonitaj
13 years 8 months ago
Paul!
I totally "get this"! all but for one technicality! I think the word you're referring to is (or should be) ENVY! There is a lot in the psychological literature about the term and it's insidious nature. Read up something by Melanie Klein - the doyanne of this particular theory! "ENVY and GRATITUDE"
Wesley, with that as a backdrop, the poem is totally 'fleshed out'!
I liked it!
Cheers
Boni