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Nov 23, 2011
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YOMO NKUKU- The weird bird
The crooning broke through the silent night
Kids of a small settlement scamper with fear
What peripatetic spirit the dogs have seen
Night birds sang along, yomo nkuku ku-ku
You ate my food and laugh with relish
You eat yours and shed crocodile tears
Because you don’t want to share with me
A capon blubbered, yomo nkuku ku-ku
The hunter’s lamp cast its rays on the leaves
Reflecting on the eyes of a strange owl
Cold chill raise tiny hills on the skin
The seeker mimicked, yomo nkuku ku-ku
The night bird wants to share her sorrows
Moved its head back and forth to see
In the dark, what it couldn’t see in the day
A lonely bird sniveled, yomo nkuku ku-ku
Daylight blinds the evil eyes of the night
Like the light of knowledge to the dim-witted
Fear of the unknown cripples their self-control
They whimper a refrain, yomo nkuku ku-ku
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 6 months ago
hello,
very imaginative! Best lines:
The night bird wants to share her sorrows
Moved its head back and forth to see
In the dark, what it couldn’t see in the day
A lonely bird sniveled, yomo nkuku ku-ku
Daylight blinds the evil eyes of the night
Like the light of knowledge to the dim-witted
Fear of the unknown cripples their self-control
They whimper a refrain, yomo nkuku ku-ku
always, Cat
t. reflexion
13 years 6 months ago
Thank you…
For your time and comments, thank you for your time, best wishes.
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