Smoky Mountain Apple Trotters (Part 2 of weirdelf's 3 part challenge)

To make apple cider, you boil it,
then drink up, before time can spoil it.
Drink too many cups,
and you're bound to throw up
as you quickly dash off to the toilet!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I think this is a very weak poem. Critique welcome

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Alfred Noyes, T. S. Eliot, Lewis Carroll, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, William Wordsworth, William Blake, Seamus Heaney, Robert Herrick

Comments

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

No, not very good

I claim victory with "Picket Fences" unless you surpass it in Neopoetime. Which is tricky, minutes can feel like hours and months like minutes. Be patient. Then do it

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

oops

double post

Rhiannon1010

13 years 7 months ago

You win.

I bow to the mighty prowess of weirdelf. BUT,,,,, i shall return. I will fix this poem, then fight for glory in Part 3! I realized this sucked from the begining! :)