ROADSIDE SPARROW

Our life’s journey
inevitable in death
like those gone before
in the match of human race
Walking a reflective curve
Pointing to the eventual end
that which awaits us all
the artist creates and paints
the poet writes his feelings
Time ticks on and on
it never loiters
Bury the pains of loss
to cover the distance in front
We must move on,

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: NGA

Favorite Poets: Inspired by an article in an old manuscript , It reads:, AXIOMS OF PERFECTION, In the physical order – In the realization of the dream of beauty, In the moral order – In the realization of the dream of love, In the intellectual order – In the realization of dream of poetry, In the spiritual order – In the realization of the dream of the mystics

Comments

wesley snow

13 years 7 months ago

The only thing here I don't get is...

... where is the sparrow? The subject of course is ancient, but this is tight and clean. My only suggestion is to reconsider "it waits for no one". Your subject matter being "cliche" you've set yourself a difficult task before you've begun, but though I saw nothing of the hackneyed in any other part of the poem, this line might be a bit too cliche to keep. "It never loiters" is what came to me, but it's just suggestion.
Otherwise a sharp, concise piece.
wesley

t. reflexion

13 years 7 months ago

Thank you…

the suggestion is noted and taken. I don't know much about what is written about sparrow. This piece came as a reaction to 'Sparrow' posted on the old neopoet screen sometime ago. Thank you for the comments and best wishes.