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Dec 06, 2011
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Booze Hound - a Cautionery Tale
I’ll tell you a story kiddies
take heed and no mistake,
don’t follow the path that I chose.
Let old Booze Hound show the route to take.
Oh you’ll shag, have a ball and carouze my friend
to that there is no doubt.
But the golden days of youth
and indiscretion are all to brief .
Hooch will cast it’s wicked spell
and the evil spiral will take down to Hell.
The nectar that promised freedom
will some how become your captor.
The boundless arrogance of
your tender years,
will soon fizzle out.
Oh regrets I have so many
to count them you’d need a life time,
the people I’ve loved lost and hurt through and through
are a legion, too many to mention.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Bonitaj
13 years 7 months ago
Wow Lou!
you've outdone yourself with this one... ;)
A cautionary tale indeed. Just a couple of typo's here and there. Take a look at the line "but the people I've hurt...". IMO the ending of which is a little too long. Just a little fine-tuning and you'll have a winner!
Cheers
Boni
lou
13 years 7 months ago
Boni
thank you
lou
Eduardo Cruz
13 years 7 months ago
Lou
What a great write, I recognize all the traps of youth. I am happy that good sense final slapped me in the face.
On this line I was wondering about the inflection?
"and the evil spiral will take down to Hell."
(and the evil spiral we'll take down to Hell) or (and the evil spiral will take you down to Hell)
Eddie
wesley snow
13 years 7 months ago
Or...
... "and the evil spiral will go to Hell."
Being manic depressive I have had a REAL BIG problem with the sauce, so this had me from the beginning. I could not have said it better and really wouldn't want to.
One more.
"Carouse" is spelled with an "S".
wesley
lou
13 years 7 months ago
Wesley
thank you I'm glad that you liked it.
When I write I tend to get It on the page and then worry about spelling and punctuation, in the editing stage.
Lou
wesley snow
13 years 7 months ago
I as well.
My first draft is always chaotic. Then I get it keyed up from the pen, print it and find out what I wrote. wesley
lou
13 years 7 months ago
lol
i'm not known for my ability to wait .
lou
MichelleK
13 years 7 months ago
Simply awesome. Ends just at
Simply awesome. Ends just at the right point: leaving us wanting more. Love how the rhyme scheme didn't overwhelm the poem, a hard thing to accomplish.
Great work:)!
lou
13 years 7 months ago
Hi
thank you very much, that is very kind of you.
Lou