Eduardo Cruz

Jan 16, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

More Meter

(Read More...)

Description:

Leader: Jess (weirdelf)
Moderator(s): Beauregard, Geezer, Wesley Snow

Objectives: To get meter inside our heads and make it easy.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter:
More Meter

In the last meter workshop we compared iambic meter with trochaic and had a quick look at anapaestic. This time we will start with a discussion on meter and each participant's experience/knowledge of it. The workshop activities will be tailored to each persons needs and development.

Only two things are not open to argument. We will use classic meter terminology, it is not hard and it is useful. And critique of each others submissions are considered as important as your own submissions.

OK, to get the ball rolling I will give the briefest possible description I can of meter.

Meter is the rhythm of poetry as determined by the way words are pronounced normally in English, this does allow for regional and dialect variations. Meter is not about counting syllables, it is about counting Feet. A foot is two or three syllables of which one is stressed. The repetition of feet creates meter. The number of feet per line defines the metric form.

The most common forms of feet are Iambic, Anapestic, Trochaic And Dactylic and we will discuss them all.

The number of feet per line are named with Greek numeric prefixes (monometer, dimeter, etc.). We will go up to five feet per line (pentameter).

Just about everyone has heard of Iambic Pentameter. It has been popular since Shakespeare and Chaucer. Iambic Pentameter is a line of five iambs
da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM

To join please PM me or Beauregard

Enough for now. Let's talk! In the following discussion important points about content and style will be raised. Contribute your thoughts, ideas and questions.

FIRST ACTIVITIES.

For those who have never consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Iambic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

For those who have consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Trochaic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Allow variations including Dactylic and strong and weak lines.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

From the Toolbar click Workshop>Submit a poem.

Copy or type in your poem. Scroll to the bottom of the screen and above the Preview button you will see a Workshop droplist. Click this and select More Meter. Then preview and save as normal.

PLEASE READ THE SYLLABUS, THE DISCUSSION AND ALL MESSAGES CAREFULLY

This workshop is closed.

Mercies of Satisfaction (MORE METER)

Blinding darkness
Only seeing with the naked touch
That sends images to a fevered mind,

Fingers navigate every contour of a physical soul
Pleasure heightens with each new discovery
Of a erogenous zone,

Salty sweet sweat begins to pour
From the heat that rises on the surface of the skin
Breaths of air escape in fevered pitches
As if a beast emerged from somewhere deep,

Eyes now see the beauty of the aura
As conscience is loss of the outside world
And senses flare into universal oneness,

Temperature rises!
To the intensity of supernova
As two souls are lost beyond their known Chakra,

The weight of the world presses against them
As gravity takes its hold
Not a single silent movement is seen,

In the stillness of the aftermath
When all that's heard is exhausted breathing
All that is known
Are the mercies of satisfaction

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I used an old one of mine.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...

Comments

Geremia

9 years 4 months ago

n/a

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Joe

Thank you, but this is really for the workshop.

Eddie

Geremia

9 years 4 months ago

n/a

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Joe

no, but I am looking to see if I am getting the idea of a iamb panameter. which is a little over my head. the break down by foot, or to say syllable counts and stress on certain words.That's the jest of it.
thanks again,

Eddie
...

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Joe

re-submit error!! a test of the workshop reply.
...

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Joe

do you see the highlighted box. indicating workshop comment.

Geremia

9 years 4 months ago

n/a

scribbler

13 years 5 months ago

Hi Eddie

I enjoyed the poem but think you missed the iambic pentameter target in most lines. But I may well be wrong about this I think to stay to form you seek would require at least 10 syllables per line. Now I'll let all the tech people tell me how wrong i am lol..........stan

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Stan,

it's ten words and five stressed syllables per line, and yes I missed it. to me I just tested to see if I can follow instructions. it looks like I can't even though I understand (stan) them. Hahaha! this is a do over!! LoL

crazy eddie

scribbler

13 years 5 months ago

hi Eddie

The iambic part desn't require the syllable count only the pentameter does if I understand correctlywhich is Not to be taken for granted lol.......stan PS my trochaic attempt is probably also off......we All have room to learn

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Stan, Stan, Stan,

You are so right, I am sure I have less hair on my head behind this

weirdelf

13 years 5 months ago

No, you count stressed syllables and feet,

never just syllables

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

More trochaic than iambic I think

Anything where you have to count how how feet you have per line is ridiculously hard (at least for me:p)!

I often wonder how the greats did it.

Maybe try rewrite this with trochees instead of iambs, I think it might work.

Because of my limited net usage at the moment I can't get the break up/parsing to you until Monday or Tuesday. If you'd like it sooner, please pm me your email tonight and I'll scan you the page I jotted it down on to you.

Good luck and good work:)!

michelle

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

michelle,

I appreciate it that you came by to read, But this one was an old one just to show the way i write with a certain beat in my head. I really did not do anything with it. I wrote two other that were for this workshop. In those I did try and keep to the perameters of the WS.
So when your internet is better I would like to see your take on them using the WS ruler on them.
Thank you so very much!
if you could look at the others I wrote for the WS, I would love to read your opinion.

Eddie
...

weirdelf

13 years 5 months ago

I wish people had read the bit that said UP TO 14 LINES

It's a lot of work to parse these buggers

Blinding/ darkness [trochaic bimeter]
Only/ seeing/ with the/ naked/ touch [trochaic pentameter strong end]
That sends/ images/ to a/ fevered/ mind, [?]

Fingers/ navigate/ every/ contour/ of a/ physical/ soul [imabic/anapest mix, strong start]
Pleasure/ heightens/ with each/ new dis/covery [trochaic pentameter]
Of a[n]/ erog/enous zone, [iambic/anapestic trimeter]

Salty/ sweet sweat/ begins/ to pour [4 trochees and one iamb]
From the/ heat that/ rises on the/ surface/ of the/ skin trochaic/dactylic strong end]
Breaths of/ air es/cape in/ fevered/ pitches [trochaic pentameter!]
As if/ a beast/ emerged/ from some/where deep, [iambic pentameter]

Eyes now/ see the/ beauty/ of the/ aura [trochaic pentameter]
As con/science is loss/ of the out/side world iambic/anapestic tetrameter]
And senses/ flare in/to univers/al one/ness, [iambic pentameter week end]

Some may disagree with this parsing. It is all over the place.

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Jess,

Thank you, That was one I thought i'd sneak in. lmao!
I am writing a new one in only iambic pantameter. We will see if I am thinking in the right terms.
your help has been grand, again thanks!

Eddie
...

Rainy Day

9 years 4 months ago

Really Enjoyed It

I really enjoyed this. I've recently began to play around with meter and rhythm in my poetry. I find it a lot of fun. I sometimes mix rhyming with free verse and I like to mix meters as well. Sometimes I do it without even realizing it. This is a great read. Thank you for sharing.

Eduardo Cruz

9 years 4 months ago

Thanks,

Thanks,
for stopping by enjoyed yours as well!

Eddie C.