Jan 23, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Frustrated Philosophy

Night has come
The city gives birth to light
I keep quiet
Just stay quiet
Listen to the pavement
It calls
The lights call
Just keep quiet
Stay quiet
Listen to the sound
The sidewalk beckons
Night has come.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It is as it is.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: California

Comments

lou

13 years 6 months ago

Hi

I enjoyed the theme of this poem, as i'm always drawn to a dark poem, but i feel there are too many repeations of the word, quiet, it is used 4 times, i think if you could find another word for quiet, it would improve the poem.

lou

13 years 6 months ago

thanks for reading

Hey lou, thanks for reading my poem. I am aware that the word "quiet" is used to much, I did that intentionally. My plan was to beat the word into the head of the reader. I want the readers to understand how Something like a city can be oblivious to silence of a person; and what can be accomplished in the dead of silence. Thanks for reading, I very much appreciate it when people comment.

weirdelf

13 years 6 months ago

I adore it!

Check the word 'flaneur'
Charles Baudelaire developed a derived meaning of flâneur—that of "a person who walks the city in order to experience it"

Candlewitch

13 years 6 months ago

Hello Search,

I liked your poem a lot, as I'm always drawn to the dark side. But I'm with Lou on the word "quiet" it is repetitious and distracting. Try a few of these for replacements for the word quiet:

silent, noiseless, inaudible, low, soft, discreet, unobtrusive, soundless

always, Cat