Eduardo Cruz

Jan 23, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

More Meter

(Read More...)

Description:

Leader: Jess (weirdelf)
Moderator(s): Beauregard, Geezer, Wesley Snow

Objectives: To get meter inside our heads and make it easy.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter:
More Meter

In the last meter workshop we compared iambic meter with trochaic and had a quick look at anapaestic. This time we will start with a discussion on meter and each participant's experience/knowledge of it. The workshop activities will be tailored to each persons needs and development.

Only two things are not open to argument. We will use classic meter terminology, it is not hard and it is useful. And critique of each others submissions are considered as important as your own submissions.

OK, to get the ball rolling I will give the briefest possible description I can of meter.

Meter is the rhythm of poetry as determined by the way words are pronounced normally in English, this does allow for regional and dialect variations. Meter is not about counting syllables, it is about counting Feet. A foot is two or three syllables of which one is stressed. The repetition of feet creates meter. The number of feet per line defines the metric form.

The most common forms of feet are Iambic, Anapestic, Trochaic And Dactylic and we will discuss them all.

The number of feet per line are named with Greek numeric prefixes (monometer, dimeter, etc.). We will go up to five feet per line (pentameter).

Just about everyone has heard of Iambic Pentameter. It has been popular since Shakespeare and Chaucer. Iambic Pentameter is a line of five iambs
da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM

To join please PM me or Beauregard

Enough for now. Let's talk! In the following discussion important points about content and style will be raised. Contribute your thoughts, ideas and questions.

FIRST ACTIVITIES.

For those who have never consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Iambic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

For those who have consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Trochaic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Allow variations including Dactylic and strong and weak lines.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

From the Toolbar click Workshop>Submit a poem.

Copy or type in your poem. Scroll to the bottom of the screen and above the Preview button you will see a Workshop droplist. Click this and select More Meter. Then preview and save as normal.

PLEASE READ THE SYLLABUS, THE DISCUSSION AND ALL MESSAGES CAREFULLY

This workshop is closed.

Dreams that follow me - Anapestic Tetrameter-need feedback

I can not out run ghost living in empty space

Ghost which haunt night and day recurring every day

Dancing dreams of misdeeds live inside tortured me

Wondering when will I be let free finding peace

Eternal burning flame that won’t be ever quenched

Tell me please is there rest for all those passed away

(da da DUM, da da DUM, da da Dum, da da DUM)

I can not/ out run ghost/ liv-ing in/ emp-ty space Ghost which haunt/ night and day/ re-curr-ing/ eve-ry day Danc-ing dreams/ of mis-deeds/ live in-side/ tor-tured me Won-der-ing/ when will I/ be let free/ find-ing peace E-ter-nal/ burn-ing flame/ that won’t be/ ev-er quenched Tell me please/ is there rest/ for all those/ passed a-way

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...

Comments

emogothgirl

13 years 5 months ago

wow

you did a far better job than i ever could! anapestic tetrameter, jeezum...anyways, i was confused with L4 because i pronounce wondering as wond'ring -- the E just is never there, lol -- but then i saw the parsing and *face palm!* at first i read it

Wondering when/ will I be/ let free...huh?

see this is the difference in dialect and accent and stuff!

nice job,

mag

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

mag

because I have a NY accent to say Spanish Harlem I use the dictionary to make sure. It does help a lot when you parse a poem in this workshop oh by the way this is my very first anapestic tetrameter I am surprised I pulled it off at all. hahaha! thanks for the visit and comment.

Fast Eddie Esq.

Candlewitch

13 years 5 months ago

Dear Eddie,

For me, it would help if you described what anapestic tetrameter is in your footnote. such as:

da DUM da DUM etc.
also should it be (Ghosts) or (a ghost)
sorry to be a pain but I'm a bit confused and unsure of what anapestic tetrameter is.

a great poem, by the way.

always, Cat (& eddy)

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Cat,

Jess left a comment on "More Meter" that explain each meter and how to parse it. he made clear each of the meters I will copy and paste it here so you can have it when you parse a poem in the workshop.

METERS: The "DUM" is the stressed syllable,
I will kill especially you
Kill you, Kill you, Kill you, Kill you, Kill you,
da DUM, da DUM, da DUM, da DUM, da dum
death by Iambic Pentameter

I will definitely kill you
Kill you, Kill you, Kill you, Kill you, Kill you,
DUM da and so on
death by Trochaic Pentameter

I will kill you right now
Kill you now, Kill you now, Kill you now, Kill you now,
da da DUM and so on
death by Anapestic Tetrameter

I will definitely kill you, now
Kill you now, Kill you now, Kill you now, Kill you now,
Dum da da and so on
death by Dactylic Tetrameter

I hope this helps?
Eddie

(nothing personal we just have to read the syllabus and all the pertinent comments from Jess and Wes)

lou

13 years 5 months ago

Eddie

not being an expert on meter, all I can say is great use of vocabulary but a little disjointed, it reads a little like a group of words rather than a cohesive poem.

But what do I know lol

Lou

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

lou,

you are right, but for the purpose of learning in this workshop I think I did well in creating a "Anapestic Tetrameter" poem. This is a very good workshop The best that I've been in since I came here. I have to say that Jess and his Co-leaders have done an amazing job at lease from my point of view.
Thanks lou I am back on Skype if you need to get in touch with me, buddy.

Eddie'
...

weirdelf

13 years 5 months ago

Bloody well done.

Fabulously courageous effort. Proud of you.

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Jess,

your ablity to open my mind to this with a couple of well place words by you has made the difference in the learning process here. Jess it is you who need to pat himself on the shoulders for a bloody good job on your part, for that I thank you and your co-leaders.
Thanks professor, a wonderful workshop!

Fast Eddie
...

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Jess,

Fast Eddie
...

wesley snow

13 years 5 months ago

Okay, Grammar Cop

Pull over.

I hate to be a turd here Eddie, but your poem is not anapest. I'll try to answer Cat's question while scanning your poem.

First, anapest is a three syllable poetic foot. It is comprised of two unaccented syllables followed by an accented syllable.

"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house."

Here is your first line scanned as if it were anapest.

"I can not/ out run ghost/ living in/ empty space."

The most natural stressing of "living in" would be on the first syllable. That makes it dactyl. Keats said "if poetry cannot be written naturally, it should not be written at all."

The same thing happens in the next line where you are stressing the "ing" in recurring.

I have more nit picking (forgive me), but I'm late for work. Here's hoping my computer turns on when I return (having some problems), so I can come back and ruin the rest of your day.

Take care Eddie, I really do mean to be helpful.

wesley

Candlewitch

13 years 5 months ago

Wesley,

Thank you for the description of anapest: a foot of three sylabuls,the first two unstressed with the third stressed. I think the hardest part is remebering the terms. Again, thank you!

always, Cat

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 5 months ago

Wes

looking forward to the lesson, I appreciate your cantor. BRING IT!!

Eddie
...

scribbler

13 years 5 months ago

hello

I read the poem and it seems to me to require a predetermined "poetic voice" to achieve what you seek in this poem.
Now I'm not saying I could do better but doesn't good meter depend on a natural pronunciation? ..............stan

wesley snow

13 years 5 months ago

Here, here.

If the words cannot be spoken in a natural way it won't be poetry. The natural pronunciation of any word predetermines its viable position in any line.
A limiting of options.
But just because we do not allow ourselves the option of putting a word, any word, in any old spot does not mean the poem can be ugly. This is sometimes referred to as "poetic license".
Viva la Limitación
wesley