The Crow (eddy styx) updated

The Crow

Lonely pines covered in snow
Tremble under moonlight’s glow
Anticipating high drama
As the wind doth blow

Singular black crow
Perched on branch below
Fluttering feathered wings
Although his movement slow

Taking to grey skies that grow
In solid winter’s throes
No screech of complaint
For gale or frozen woe

About This Poem

Last Few Words: experimenting with mixing meter

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

scribbler

13 years 5 months ago

hello

The image contrast between black crow and white snow is vivid.In L-8 you might try movement's instead of movement and in next line you use blow a second time which I don't think is what you planned..........stan

Candlewitch

13 years 5 months ago

Dear Stan,

Thnak you for the suggestions of which I have employed some...with the "blow problem" I hope it reads better for you now. I appreciate your reading and critiquing!

always, Cat

China Blue

13 years 5 months ago

Cat

winter cannot "blow"(well yeah it can but that is something else again)lol
somehow the last line came across as being to flipant( it could be me)
for cold and frozen talons perhaps

Candlewitch

13 years 5 months ago

Hey Chrys,

I appreciate your input (and winter sucks, lol!) I hope I have fixed those problems with my update.

love, Cat

scribbler

13 years 5 months ago

back again

I kept thinking this reminded me of something so I looked around and found what it was :
SNOW DUST
The way a crow
shook down on me
the dust of snow
from a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
a change of mood
and changed some part
of a day I had rued.........................Frost

Candlewitch

13 years 5 months ago

Dear Stan,

That I could remind you of something Frost wrote is tltally amazing! Thanks :)

always, cat (& eddy)

WonderGolly

13 years 5 months ago

Amazing,,,,

I read this poem over and over again and it makes so much meaning and ignites my interest to read it again.
>>>The Crow against the Winters throes. Yet it does not complain.
we can positively relate to harshness of nature without necessary having to rebel.
great write. wont forget this one.

respects.

WonderGolly :)