MichelleK

Jan 29, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

More Meter

(Read More...)

Description:

Leader: Jess (weirdelf)
Moderator(s): Beauregard, Geezer, Wesley Snow

Objectives: To get meter inside our heads and make it easy.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter:
More Meter

In the last meter workshop we compared iambic meter with trochaic and had a quick look at anapaestic. This time we will start with a discussion on meter and each participant's experience/knowledge of it. The workshop activities will be tailored to each persons needs and development.

Only two things are not open to argument. We will use classic meter terminology, it is not hard and it is useful. And critique of each others submissions are considered as important as your own submissions.

OK, to get the ball rolling I will give the briefest possible description I can of meter.

Meter is the rhythm of poetry as determined by the way words are pronounced normally in English, this does allow for regional and dialect variations. Meter is not about counting syllables, it is about counting Feet. A foot is two or three syllables of which one is stressed. The repetition of feet creates meter. The number of feet per line defines the metric form.

The most common forms of feet are Iambic, Anapestic, Trochaic And Dactylic and we will discuss them all.

The number of feet per line are named with Greek numeric prefixes (monometer, dimeter, etc.). We will go up to five feet per line (pentameter).

Just about everyone has heard of Iambic Pentameter. It has been popular since Shakespeare and Chaucer. Iambic Pentameter is a line of five iambs
da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM

To join please PM me or Beauregard

Enough for now. Let's talk! In the following discussion important points about content and style will be raised. Contribute your thoughts, ideas and questions.

FIRST ACTIVITIES.

For those who have never consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Iambic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

For those who have consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Trochaic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Allow variations including Dactylic and strong and weak lines.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

From the Toolbar click Workshop>Submit a poem.

Copy or type in your poem. Scroll to the bottom of the screen and above the Preview button you will see a Workshop droplist. Click this and select More Meter. Then preview and save as normal.

PLEASE READ THE SYLLABUS, THE DISCUSSION AND ALL MESSAGES CAREFULLY

This workshop is closed.

Hope Does Not BelongREVISED - More Meter - Iambic Pentameter - Exercise 2

Today the daises rot. Her hair, so fine
it seeps through head and heart. The fungus, root,
affliction hard of bones and fingers. Brittle
hate of daughters, sons. Come! Take my hope!
No-more is it I need, my dreams lay shattered, broke
beneath a mild tide: like glass trying to
reflect a hollow ghost. Now claim my words
surrender every pen, my tiny triumphs,
heard by none. And still no-one will be beside
my bed tonight. Alone among my useless dreams,
I tire, feign sleep and scream to gods who don’t
bother with paltry prayers. So shy away
from light I will, abhor all goodness, swill
the wine of madness; hope does not belong.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: The parsing and meter is probably wrong.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New South Wales, AUS

Favorite Poets: Charles Baudelaire, Gottried Benn, William Cowper, Michael Dransfield, Benjamen Frater, Allen Ginsberg, Gwen Harwood, Lautréamont, Edvard Munch, Ezra Pound, Arthur Rimbaud, Alan Wearne, Francis Webb, John Wilmot II Earl of Rochester

Comments

scribbler

13 years 5 months ago

hello

I think you have it mostly correct. Only things I question are:
L-3 I think this is iambic with a hanging foot
L-4 I believe hatred is 2 syllable with accent on first syllable . Maybe a type trochee?
L-11 I think this is a trochee also
but don't take MY word for it lol............stan

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

Thanks Scribbler

I'll get onto those lines later tonight:)!

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

Line 3 was consciously a

Line 3 was consciously a hanging but I don't think it works. Line 11 was also intended this way but it didn't work either.

I'll have to rethink those lines.

Candlewitch

13 years 5 months ago

Hello,

I thought L-3 was anapest, but I am probably wrong. One suggestion I have is to remove the double spacing, as it distracts from the content. Overall, I really enjoy dark poems and liked yours emnsley.

always, Cat

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

Thanks Cat

I'll get right onto it.

I didn't realise I'd left it in double spacing! I'll fix that too.

Bloodstone

13 years 5 months ago

Nice!

I enjoy this piece. I'm finding it difficult to judge the meter, though it does feel mostly iambic, with a bit o this and that here and there:) here's my picky parts: fung-us, ha-tred, te-ppid and pi-ty are two syllables each, (also, you left an 'i' out of daisies). All that probably makes this poem stand out, in my mind... even if it isn't pure meter. (I battle my tits off to keep meter throughout something so deep!)
peace

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

Thanks Bloodstone

Fixed up those words:)!

weirdelf

13 years 5 months ago

This is one reason

why some people might find the 2 new workshops more... interesting? Both will challenge you to write good poetry. I am only trying to teach certain techniques of meter, which is why I asked to keep the poems simple, un-emotive.

Michelle you were unable to resist writing good poetry, rather than focus on meter. This is not a failure, it is a sign of a true poet. Nobody fails here, you all learn something about meter whether you wrote simple or complex poems.

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

Thanks Jess:)

I think I'll need to try a lot harder with meter in the future. Because not being able to use it correctly WIll bite me in the arse in the future.

wesley snow

13 years 5 months ago

Everyone else caught the mistakes in meter,

so I'll comment on the poem. It is immensely dark indeed. I do so love the dark side. But like Jess said, you need to work on writing boring poetry. If this poem is any indication, it looks like you're going to have a hard go of it.
wesley

MichelleK

13 years 5 months ago

Thanks Wes,

I'll sound like an arsehole saying this, but I really will need to learn how. This was supposed to be boring...

wesley snow

13 years 4 months ago

It's okay Michelle,

since you were kind enough to join my first workshop, we will postpone your flogging. wesley