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loved
loved
Feb 06, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

autumn leaves

The autumn leaf in me dries
it’s now merged
with the soil of time
under the debris of eternity.

The winds can't upsurge,
nor can earthquakes part,
nothing in life can unite,
torn feathers so far apart,
once they are,
separated forever..

the vestige of hope
like an autumn leaf
in me withers,
now submerged
under piles of memories
once greened,
in sunshine

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Comments

Geremia

Geremia

13 years 5 months ago

weathers= withers?

weathers= withers?

Excellent poem. Striking "melancholy". I hear the music of each verse. No forced rhyme; Form "flows" with content.

Joe

loved

loved

13 years 5 months ago

I am grateful

i dug up this one from my archives
and wished to share...
Thanks a lot ,
a neat observation..

Ian.T

Ian.T

13 years 5 months ago

Loved

Now you are talking the words of poetry, damn the formats laid down by clowns who will stay at the Great Bards side unto dust they will drift.
Your words and the flow were exceptionally good and this is the type of work you should write.
I agree with Joe that the leaf will wither as it grows old and takes its path to dust, although weathers means a change brought on by the action of time and the changes of air and other things, wither, means a state that you see, when something is deprived of the substance of life.. Your choice young Bard,
Yours Ian.T

loved

loved

13 years 5 months ago

I took Joe's advice

duplicated by yours
and the product of my mind's exposition
is placed before all
including the critiques
Thanks for your support
and this lovely call
rgds
loved
the smaller bard ....

slybard

slybard

13 years 5 months ago

Like

I like, no love the poem. Powerful imagery and the form poem lends itself to further augment it.

However, I thought that the enjambment in the second stanza sort of makes the poem lose rhythm at that point, especially the line "nothing in life...". It throws the reader off. If you changed it to say, "nothing in life can unite,/torn feathers so far apart,/once they are,/separated forever"... I think it would aide the continuation of thought better in that stanza. Just my opinion.

loved

loved

13 years 5 months ago

You honour me by your

maiden visit .
Furthermore ,
your enlightenment I value most

Since improved .
Hope it is much better now.

loved

loved

13 years 1 month ago

Thank you so very much

I am now trying to consolidate 51 poems,
my gems,
as Jess says
and
shall place them in the archives of time
God willing
and
with the blessings of all Neopoets....

S

scribbler

13 years 1 month ago

Hi loved

great use of metaphor comparing aging with leaves. One of your best imho........stan

loved

loved

13 years 1 month ago

You taught me

metaphorically ..
remember once i asked of thee
whats a metaphor for???

height of ignorance
you didn't see
pretending behind facades of smiles
that was still me
now thanks to thee
coz u also reward
as one of the best of me .