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Feb 15, 2012
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I see my dream in plain view
I only watch
We have our arms
We will not raise them
No one is dreaming any further
The light has stopped flickering beside me
It must mean the thoughts have ceased
No one will reach for the dream.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
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Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
13 years 5 months ago
ideas are good,
but lacks poetic qualities. A list of lines. Try some an enjambment and for more musicality of language. Assonance, consonance, even rhyme.
Search
13 years 5 months ago
Thanks
Thanks for the tips. Did you ever figure out what N.A.Y.A stands for?
weirdelf
13 years 5 months ago
No, and I didn't even try hard.
Tricks are for kids.