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Dec 06, 2010
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Reflections II...
I see the light
Do you now?
Yes, I really do
I quake in fright...
You have a fearless brow
No one would think that's you
I see my faults too clearly
Blind men shuffle slowly
I've run away from pain
You've paid a price most dearly
I am the lowest of the lowly
You had nothing you could gain
Pictures don't do justice to my blackened soul
You look just fine to me
Peer deeper, deeper yet
The years have gone by quickly, I was on a roll
You were young and free
Do you see there is regret?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Part III will take a little while, but I will get to it. ~ Gee
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
13 years 7 months ago
I took most...
of your advice, but thought that the use of a cliche here serves to give the impression of a devil-may care attitude. It's not a very well-used term these days and I don't think that the use of cliches should be disparaged when they do the job without too much fuss. Thanks for your critique on this one. I never realised that it was on the lonely-list! LOL I must have been either sick or busy with other things. ~ Geezer
Xavier Sleuth
3 years 11 months ago
I see what you did-
With the rhymes.
Fav part: "Pictures don't do justice to my blackened soul
You look just fine to me
Peer deeper, deeper yet"
'Specially that last line.
Golden stuff here.
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
Thanks for noticing...
the rhyme scheme. I worked hard on that! ~ Geez.
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