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Dying embers
My fingers coarse,wrinkled and aged slithered over the warm smooth skin of my lover
Light shafted in through the cracks in the curtains
All my emotions untethered like a wildhorse on the prairie
Yet the love splintered in a thousand pieces after a timeless embrace
Love had departed and the light had eternally been extingushed
Was this restless fixation forever lost ?
Or was the embers still burning deep inside?
Should my love endure or was it time to search?
For a new and innocent love?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Words can destroy images.In this poem I try to reconnect these two and display the soul.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
13 years 7 months ago
Morgan,
welcome to neopoet, it is such a pleasure to read new poets to the site,
Ahh, lost love, and the search for the freshness of a new love. You have depiced the emotions of the search so well. Yet you wrote it not as a lost but as looking toward the next encounter with the beginning of it's innocents.
You truly do not need all the question mark, because from the three line the question of moving on takes hold of the poem, you move into it effortlessly. One suggestion to give it more power in my view, but let me say it's your poem. this is just my opinion. I would have staged it like this:
...........................................................................
My fingers coarse,wrinkled and aged
Slithered over the warm smooth skin of my lover
Light shafted in through the cracks in the curtains
All my emotions untethered like a wildhorse on the prairie
Yet the love splintered in a thousand pieces
After a timeless embrace
Love had departed
The light had eternally been extingushed
Was this restless fixation forever lost
Or was the embers still burning deep inside
Should my love endure
Or was it time to search
For a new and innocent love
It's a pleasure to meet a very fine poet as yourself
Eddie
PS. if you have any questions feel free to ask.
...
China Blue
13 years 7 months ago
Morgan
a warm Neo welcome to you, a pleasure to see a new face
my only suggestion for this work would be to use line breaks to shorten your sentences
each thought is a new line for example:
My fingers, coarse, wrinkled with age
slithered over the etc etc etc
your first line is an excellent lead in
you can look this up
in free verse punctuation is optional
Chrys
Candlewitch
13 years 7 months ago
Dear Morgan,
Welcome to neo poet! May you find a home for your poetry here. I have but one suggestion:
in this line: "Or was the embers still burning deep inside?" change (was) to (were)
I like your title and language usage. The poem flows well from one line to the next. My favorite lines are:
All my emotions untethered like a wildhorse on the prairie
Yet the love splintered in a thousand pieces after a timeless embrace
great imagery. Don't be afraid too respond to the comments you receive. And don't be afraid to make comments on other poets work. Most of all enjoy the site.
always, Cat
weirdelf
13 years 7 months ago
yes, we all feel it
but what does it come down to? Spreading our seed.
Nicely written, I look forward to some more complex themes.
Morgan
13 years 7 months ago
DYING EMBERS
THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS
In days of old the heart was the origin of the soul. hence the heart
is the alpha of love and its omega Often the heart traps emotion whereas emotion must be felt,and shared like the honey wine before the banquet.
The imagery of all good poets is in the mind of the reader and the poet merely
places the words on the paper for awakening of the heart and soul..