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Rest at Last
If one listens and stands still
You can hear the whispers of long forgotten angels
Sad sounds that would make you cry
The rustle of your soul makes a sad lament
Listen carefully
And you can tell when your thoughts let out a sigh,
such a sound.
And as you lay down to rest
And you close your eyes
All your dreams flow together for the very last time
You find peace
You would smile
If you could
About This Poem
Last Few Words: When you’ve lost a loved one, this poem , though sad it’s meant at the end to make you smile
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing Stage: Final polish
Critiques
neopoet
1 week 5 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of introspection, sorrow, and eventual peace with a gentle, contemplative tone. The imagery of "whispers of long forgotten angels" and "the rustle of your soul" evokes a spiritual or ethereal atmosphere, inviting readers to slow down and listen inwardly.
To strengthen the poem, consider the following points:
1. **Line Breaks and Pacing:** Some lines feel uneven in length and rhythm, which can disrupt the flow. For example, "You can hear the whispers of long forgotten angels" is quite long compared to the shorter "Listen carefully." Experimenting with more consistent line lengths or deliberate variations could enhance the musicality.
2. **Imagery and Specificity:** The poem uses abstract images like "sad sounds" and "your thoughts let out a sigh." Adding more concrete or vivid sensory details might deepen emotional impact. For instance, what kind of "sad sounds" are these? Are they like distant wind, faint music, or something else?
3. **Emotional Arc:** The poem moves from sadness toward peace, but the transition feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on the moment when "all your dreams flow together" could provide a clearer sense of resolution or transformation.
4. **Punctuation and Capitalization:** The poem is mostly free of punctuation, which can work stylistically but may also cause ambiguity in reading. Introducing selective punctuation or capitalization might clarify meaning and emphasize key moments.
5. **Closing Lines:** The final lines "You would smile / If you could" are poignant but slightly ambiguous. Clarifying whether this is a metaphor for release, acceptance, or something else could leave the reader with a stronger emotional takeaway.
Overall, the poem has a meditative quality that invites reflection. Focusing on rhythm, imagery, and emotional progression could help it resonate more deeply.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.
Geezer
1 week 4 days ago
This what I do when I have…
This what I do when I have an idea that I want to explore,
a theme I want to write about. I write the main theme idea out until I have a working title [you can always change it later].
Then, choose the style of language to meet the character of the scene. A person, place or thing. Imagine the scene like a movie in your mind's eye.
Go back over the lines written for your character, or the scenario. I love rhyme because I can control the pace that it's read at. I can use punctuation, line breaks and twist the use of words to make innuendo. Let yourself go with the sense that nothing you write is permanent. You can come back anytime and change whatever you want. This is what we do here, offer advice in reaching your goals. [ I don't think any of us are ever going to be rich from our efforts in poetry, [Hey, I may be wrong, you may be the "next big thing" ]
What I'm saying is that we all want our voices heard, { let's not say that old trope " I only write for myself" I don't care what other people think." Because if that were true, then you should write all your stuff down in a journal and leave it to your children to figure out what the hell does that mean? Sorry for the long-winded heavy thinking, but you asked what I was thinking... ~ Geezer.
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