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Mar 26, 2012
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Clockwork
Tick,
A second just came and left,
Another moment you wished you had lived,
And lost among all the rest.
Tock,
Another moment,
Preserved in an endless timeline,
Another one neither you nor I lived,
But the second still left.
Tick,
You heard it and so did I,
Be we have spent every moment alive,
Or had we died long before our time.
Tock,
Lastly I fall,
Gaze upon what’s left,
You always had a way in finding something in me.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 6 months ago
Hello Gomez,
Good title. Flows well. I like the subject matter, time fascinates me! I like these lines best:
Tock,
Lastly I fall,
Gaze upon what’s left,
You always had a way in finding something in me.
here is an address for you to use on that matter we discussed:
http://www.neopoet.com/andrew
always, Cat
scribbler
13 years 6 months ago
Hello
I always enjoy poetry dealing with the passage of time. In this one in which it seems you want to express how much can change in a tic of time, I think to add a blank line space below each tick and tock might help visually. By the way, welcome to neo.........stan
weirdelf
13 years 6 months ago
I like the structure.
You have nothing new to say in the nature of love. Try a different theme (all your 3 poems have been love poems and if you continue you will become boring quickly)