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Mar 29, 2012
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The Downfall
Your hands built me
And now they break me
Your words taught me
And now they taunt me
Your eyes held love
Now they've gone dark
Your arms held me
And now they push me back
Your heart loved me
And now there's nothing left
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This came from trying to write a completely different poem, I guess you never know when inspiration will hit you. I wasn't sure about a title though. Any suggestions?
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eduardo Cruz
13 years 3 months ago
simplicity,
the turmoils of love, Yes then no.
I recognize it and have felt it.
a bit cliche, but good rymthm.
Eddie
AuroraBorealis
13 years 3 months ago
Thank you!
Thanks for commenting!
AnnaNJ
13 years 3 months ago
Wow
I really liked it. You could be talking about a lot of different subjects (i.e. friend, lover, family member..) and that's what makes it so relate-able. When I read it, I was able to think about people in my own life which is what I look for in poetry.
AuroraBorealis
13 years 3 months ago
Thanks!
I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad it was relate-able. :)