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How long will this Winter Last
The paltry sun smiles across the frozen Plains,
as if to mock my shivering words,
“How long will this winter last”
The trees and shrubs that wooed the summer breeze
with blossoms ablaze,
are smitten under foot,
after boasting they would never die,
now lie still,
fallen emblems of a summer past,
there ghostly voices still echoing,
“How long will this winter last”
The robin feeds oblivious to the frost and cold,
looking only for his meal of worm,
pausing briefly for the wintry wind,
as it screams through the trees
“How long will this winter last”
The frozen brook where well we played
with rod or trunks,
sleeps silent in its glassy grave,
beckoning visitors to cross it fast,
while creaking out
“How long will this winter last”
But with the days, the sun will shift,
its rays to change this silent land,
and see the green of springs return,
to claim its laughter warm and bright,
no more to hear her wintry blast .
“How long will this winter last”
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a mess yeh I know, but the thought is there corrections will be appreciated and creative comment on its conception
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
13 years 2 months ago
Believe!
I like the repetion of that sentence and
all that metaphore which it conveys...
“How long will this winter last”
A beautiful write!
believe
13 years 2 months ago
Thks
Thanks Rula
China Blue
13 years 2 months ago
Be
The poem in of itself is wonderful
however some of your sentence are far to long perhap a shortening of them might work
believe
13 years 2 months ago
Thks
Thanks Chrys
Unfortunately I am not skilled enough to "shorten" the lines without loosing its rhythm , ...I think'
do you mean as seen; on the page or; re-write the lines differently ?
judyanne
13 years 2 months ago
nice write believe
but I agree with chrys – some lines seem a little long
suggestions to break them
‘The trees and shrubs
that wooed the summer breeze with blossoms ablaze,’
‘pausing only for the wintry wind,
as it screams through the trees’
‘The frozen brook
were well we played with rod or trunks’ (also typo here --- ‘where’)
‘beckoning visitors to cross it fast,
while creaking out’
I like the use of the repetition throughout
love judy
believe
13 years 2 months ago
Thks
Why Thanks Judy,
I'll re-work it, thanks for the help
Ian.T
13 years 2 months ago
Believe
Your new edit has done the trick, and now the piece reads well, and I love the way you write, Yours Ian.T
believe
13 years 2 months ago
Thanks
thanks again Ian
China Blue
13 years 2 months ago
Believe
A re visit from me, Yes now that brings out the beauty of this poem
believe
13 years 2 months ago
Thanks
Thanks China