Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Autumn Afternoon (Final for Prose to Poetry Workshop)
From the original:
Anni, (Cloudthings) new Prose entry:
When I sit on a verandah in the autumn afternoon, watching the leaves glow chrimson or saffron bright in the late, rich sunlight, I wonder what it is that makes our hearts echo that glow so deeply?
Sitting in my back room, writing letters to a friend, long absent, playing “artist in residence” in Korea, I gaze out my big window to get lost in the swaying, shifting mass of gum leaves against the sky. Again, mesmerized and somehow fulfilled and inspired by the interplay of tree and weather.
Perched beneath the weathered stumps of old steps leading down from the dunes, I cannot resist the trance-like state that overwhelms my senses, siren-like, I vaguely consider. In the end, there is no point in knowing why, it is a gift that nature brings us meditation in such a natural way.
----------------------------------------
(Mine)
Poetry from prose:
Autumn Afternoon
view from my front porch
affords me vistas
of
the Autumn seasons
cornucopia
of vibrant folage
as my heart dances
along with the journey
of the falling
wind blown leaves
later in my room
scribing letters
to my artist friend
on a far away shore
gazeing out my window
I see the wind has rissen
by the mutable movement
of leaves against
the background of
billowing clouds
moving across the sky
and my amazement of nature
is monumentally increased
once again I sit in repose
upon the bottom of the old steps
weathered by elements and age
which begs lead me to sandy knolls
my mind is taken to
peaceful places of pleasure
as I accept this gift of nature
serenity is mine
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Thanks to all who put in their suggestions! always, Cat
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
13 years 2 months ago
only a few changes
but i like it,nicely done cat
still is prose in parts, to my interpretation of 'it'
but that's not to detract from the loveliness of the write
just a comment for workshop purposes
love judy
\xxxx
Candlewitch
13 years 2 months ago
Dear Judy,
Thank you for your critique. This is pretty much a nature piece, which I am not a practiced hand at. I found it very difficult to lose all the prose. But I think it works for the most part. I had help from you and Stan, Thanks, guys!
always, Cat
scribbler
13 years 2 months ago
Hello
A good example of small changes making a large difference. In my limited experience it's pretty rare to Not have a bit of prose scattered about............stan
Candlewitch
13 years 2 months ago
Thanks, Stan,
for all the help and sticking with me.
always, Cat
Candlewitch
13 years 2 months ago
The final edit has been posted here!
Waiting for the workshop people to show up and critique...
scribbler
13 years 2 months ago
hi Cat
They'll get here don't worry lol...........stan
weirdelf
13 years 2 months ago
I found it confusing that you posted 3 times
Even this post has 2 versions of the poem
My only real crit is that you did not make it enough your own.
Candlewitch
13 years 2 months ago
Thanks Jess,
I deleted one, and left the original and the final. This one is the final edit.
always, Cat