Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 08, 2012
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Soul Assassin
Purposefully striding forward
condescending
you do not greet me
with affection
or love.
Destructive
stored up frustrations
take aim at me
from the weapon
that resides in your heart
and shoots from your mouth.
Coldness
condemnation
your only form of interaction.
Relentless disapproval
meant to reprimand me
like a child
and with it
an attempt to steal my joy.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A recent visit with family.
Style/Type: Free verse
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Candlewitch
13 years 1 month ago
Hello Loreli,
I get that you are writing of a cold and calulating person. I can relate to this because I have just eliminated once such as you speak of from my life. Your words gave me the shivers in remembering. Good work! I love the title. It fits.
always, Cat
Nordic cloud
13 years 1 month ago
A lovely burst of anger
A lovely burst of anger expressed well.
How we who have experienced such, sympathise,
I was so lonely, but not quite the same,
no abuse, no communication at all,
I don't know what's worse.
Ann.
judyanne
13 years 1 month ago
hi lori
lovely to see you
a wonderful write
great word usage
‘purposefully striding forward' so sets the pace and feel of the write – very powerful
I just love the alliteration in coldness, condemnation – the c sharp staccato to suit the concept
the only suggestion I have is that you divide it into stanzas at the beginning of every trait - purposefully, destructive, coldness, relentless…
that way the reader takes time to digest each comment
favourite part
the end
‘Relentless disapproval
meant to reprimand me
like a child
and with it
an attempt to steal my joy’
great to read you again
love judy
xxx
Esker
13 years 1 month ago
"that resides in your heart
"that resides in your heart
and shoots from the mouth"
sit and take it>... the old ways
not anymore
everyone now has a voice
that put down
the squash y our soul days
grinding to an end for some
take back your power
your worth
why let a thorn steal against your soul
the dour mirth
rise up from that
tall proud strong
and run it back to where it belongs
incredible poetry here
thank You
scribbler
13 years 1 month ago
Hi stranger
Had been wondering what happened to you. I also have known people who seemed incapable of anything but disapproval.I agree that the only thing I see to change is to maybe break this into stanzas. At the same time it may well have been your intention to let the unbroken flow of lines mimic the relentless condemnation...........stan
alidzain
11 years 2 months ago
Hi Loreli
Love this poem. Good job.
Alid